Pauljac49

I went to see my son yesterday for father's day and thought that it would be good for me and him.  Afterall, he lost his sister.  He is so worried about me.  I don't want him to be, he's grieving...

I HAD ANOTHER PANIC ATTACK.  I THNIK.  JACKIE'S BENIFITS DEPT CALLED THAT THEY RECEIVED HER DEATH CERTIFICATE.  AND SHE HAD A 401k,  WHY, WHY WHY,  I JUST TOOK A XANAX .  IM CRYING AND...

The last couple of weeks have been confusing. I don't know what is happening to me all of a sudden. At first I felt like I came out of a fog and I just started missing Jackie more. I was crying...

I went to the psychologist at the Hospital for Joint Desease yesterday for my clearance for surgery. My sister and best friend came with me. Naturally, as soon as he started talking about Jackie...

My emotions are all over the place lately. I know I must go on with my life and every day is a struggle. There are moments when Jackie is not even in my thoughts. I have to go for knee surgery, a...

Yesterday I woke up to the scent of my daughter's cologne. I just laid there for a few seconds breathing it in and then nothing. I know I wasn't dreaming this. Is it because I miss her so much or...

July 24th was Jackie's 31st birthday and the first time I went to visit her at the cemetary. I didn't want to go until her name was on the stone. She is buried with my Aunt. I was going regardless...

I am anticipating Sun with such anxiety. I have been staying on the Xanax and it has been helping me function. As I have said before I just do things because I have to. When I stay busy there are...

I went to my meeting on Tues. night. There are members there that have been going for years. They say they are there to help others, but are they really? I have to wonder if this is my new normal....

I am not having a good day today. I woke up at 7 a.m. and turned on the t.v. and started to doze off. I heard Jackie's voice. She said "MOM". I know I didn't imagine it. I can't even dream of...

I wish Jackie could have been here for this. My daughter was gay. She would have been so happy New York legalized gay marriage. When she first came out I had such a hard time. I thought my world...

I went to see my son yesterday for father's day and thought that it would be good for me and him.  Afterall, he lost his sister.  He is so worried about me.  I don't want him to be, he's grieving...

I HAD ANOTHER PANIC ATTACK.  I THNIK.  JACKIE'S BENIFITS DEPT CALLED THAT THEY RECEIVED HER DEATH CERTIFICATE.  AND SHE HAD A 401k,  WHY, WHY WHY,  I JUST TOOK A XANAX .  IM CRYING AND...

First let me thank all of you for your love and hugs.  I want you all to know how much your love and support mean to me.   I am having a very difficult time. I didn't realize how hard it was...

EVERYTHING IS JUST HORRIBLE.   I CAME OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND MY SISTER'S LIVE IN PARTNER WHO SHE IS WITH FOR 12 YEARS DIED.  HE WAS A SICK MAN AND  DIDN'T WANT TO GO INTO THE HOSPITAL FEARING HE...