FATHER'S DAY

I went to see my son yesterday for father's day and thought that it would be good for me and him.  Afterall, he lost his sister.  He is so worried about me.  I don't want him to be, he's grieving in his own way and he has two beautiful kids and a wonderful wife getting him through this.  Everyone keeps telling me that I have to live for them.   All I kept thinking of yesterday watching my grandchildren playing and going in the pool is "Look at what she is missing"  Look at what she gave up"
I can't believe that I will ever get over the feeling that my love was not enough to keep her here.  We were so close.  It's as if I am having a battle with myself.  My emtions.  I really don't care about life right now.  She was everything to me.  We did everything together.  My life is so empty.   I love my son and grandchildren so so much.  I have a fantastic daughter in law and a wonderful sister and best friend taking good care of me.  I  am empty.  When I left there last night I cried in the car all the way home.  It would be so much easier to not wake up every day.  I can't see myself enjoying life again.  I don't want to be a burden to anyone and I know that I could never do to my family what Jackie did to us.  She turned a lot of lives upsidedown.  She left all of us grieving.  I'm going to my first support group tomorrow night.  And maybe I'll go to a grief counselor.  I don't know how talking is going to make me feel better.  Nothing will ever be the same.