PANIC

I HAD ANOTHER PANIC ATTACK.  I THNIK.  JACKIE'S BENIFITS DEPT CALLED THAT THEY RECEIVED HER DEATH CERTIFICATE.  AND SHE HAD A 401k,  WHY, WHY WHY,  I JUST TOOK A XANAX .  IM CRYING AND SHAKING.  I FELT LIKE I COULDNT BREATH.   I MISS HER SO MUCH.  I DONT WANT HER 401K I WANT HER.  I QUIT SMOKING 15 YEARS AGO AND IM WRITING WITH A CIGARETT IN MY HAND.  THIS IS TOO MUCH TO OVERCOME.  IS IT GOOD THAT WE TALK ON LINE,  IT JUST PROBABLY OPENS THE WOUNDS FOR WHOEVER READS THIS CAUSE I CANT HELP ANYONE.  I WANT MY DAUGHTER BACK.  SHE HAD NO RIGHT TO DO THIS.  YES SHE WAS IN PAIN BUT SHE PROMISED ME SHE WOULDNT HURT HERSELF.  SHE KNEW WHAT THIS WOULD DO TO ME.  IT WOULD BE SO EASY FOR ME TO GO TO SLEEP AND NOT WAKE UP.  I HATE THAT I CANT CAUSE I HAVE FAMILY.  I KNOW I WOULD DO TO THEM JUST WHAT SHE DID.   I DONT BELIEVE THIS OVERWHELMING PAIN WILL EVER GO AWAY.  THIS IS NOT A GOOD DAY