1st Thanksgiving without you
I was invited to Jason's inlaws this year, and I was very grateful for that. There were enough people that I didn't feel lonely, but not so many I felt overwhelmed, and I knew most of them to some extent. I got to play with Lena (2-1/2) after dinner for quite awhile, and was really tired when I got home. I didn't sleep, though. Found myself missing you, and crying off and on, and thinking about past Thanksgivings....like the time you set the oven on fire.....
Not sure what to do with Christmas. Part of me wants to ignore it as best I can. I ordered toys for the girls yesterday, and will go out and buy some more things, but I know (because this has happened already) I will see things that I know you'd love and not buy them, because you're no longer here.
Do I want a tree? Do I want to decorate at all? Or do I just want to hide in my apt.--maybe go through your clothes and photos--start a memory book.... put aside fabric for a quilt? I don't know.
I'll figure it out in time. Christmas Eve I'll be at Jason's. Your nieces help a lot. I so wish that they got to know you--that you got to play with them and teach them things and go to the zoo with them. At least if they didn't know you they won't miss you....
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Sue, there is no right or wrong way to get through the holidays. Just do whatever it is that makes you even a bit more comfortable. I turned down invitations and left get -togethers early if I needed to for several years.
Tight hugs and love to you and dearest Leslie. Linda
Truly no right or wrong when it comes to dealing with holidays, or any other day. All those "firsts" seem to be the hardest, although year two has many challenges as well, as we find ourselves coming out of the "fog" of grief a little more. You do, or don't do, what feels most right for your shattered heart my friend.
Tight heart hugs~
Oh, the mind spins on the endless hamster wheel for each of us and it's so understandable. Allow yourself bunches of wiggle room to make decisions at the last minute if needed without any apologies. Just Do IT! For me, that was truly one of the healthiest gifts I allowed myself to "not know" until I was in it so to speak.
You are doing your best, Sue, and that is what matters and little by little we enter back into these new lives of ours and learn how to carry our children with us always. Not an easy task, never a done deal and one that I always ask Douglas to help me with.
Loving and gentle care for Leslie's mom from us.
XO Joanie
So hard, I'll sit with you in the dark....