mahalarose

Tonight's question is why am I still here? why am I still alive..one reason is because I dont have any fucking pills. Second reason is actuslly im not writing that in here. eaten ice cream today....

the road starts here. I didn't expect it to go away overnight..I felt like it should do because I've been doing so well. Eaten to much now I feel like a fat complete fuck. Im sorry I had to say it. I...

I have just made an improvement to my life. I had this old victorian like velvet chair that I called grandpa chair. I would sit in that chair with a bag and glue and waste the night away. I have...

I close my eyes tightand retreat within my mindno sight it would seem to be safea never ending game of tagI don't want to playthis isn't the playground nowpleading for something to make senseso I may...

words can't repeat, mistakes can't be renewed. I wish I knew what to write. So weak. yet enraged in this anger. consuming me. I need a way to die. Thigh covered by this anger. throat blocked up with...

so what if I pull away from everyone? what does it fuckin matter. everyone is just doing it back to me. Ican do whatever the fuck I want. I want to chop off my hand. I want Satan to come and gobble...

I relapsed onto the glue. But only one tube. Been doing alright thought, lots of appointments. I stopped taking my pills and had nightmares last night. A girl i was getting to know rejected me, she...

I picked up my 'tickets' today! very exciting and I am going to buy my suitcase tomorow. I am very scared of being fat even though I know I am. Ive been refered to the eating disorders place in...

I told my two friends that I might be pregnant and they replies.."well uhhhm actually same"so yesterday we brought tests and none of us is pegnant. Thankgod. I was a nervous wreck. I feel so...

I might be pregnant. He told me it was safe and he knew when to withdraw. but theres always a but because Ive been talking to another guy friend about what happened. I only had sex with the guy to...

I havn't written in here much..Uhm so I went to my doctor on the friday just been because I was loosing control again, she got my hospital appointment moved forward to monday. It is monday now and...

I need a new lifestyle. A new way of thinking. I need a new fucking room and a new life while I am at it. A couple of nights everything has snuck up on me all at once and I didn't knw how to get...

I've been writing in my journal obsesively. I carry it everywhere with me now. Last night was my balllll it was alright, lots of laughing and dancing. Apart from that everything else is the same...

I want to crawl up and die. I don't care that people say beat this by being active etc. I was depressed before and so I got out of my room, worked more hours went to school regularily and stopped...

Omg so I purged and I now have eye jelly coming out underneath my eye. I didn't have to use my fingers! I was glad about that. I ditched school today. My ball dress came! I look like a whale in it. ...