the road starts here. I didn't expect it to go away overnight..I felt like it should do because I've been doing so well. Eaten to much now I feel like a fat complete fuck. Im sorry I had to say it. I have gained weight I can see it on my stomach. does anyone know how much that torments me. That since I am getting nicer on the inside this all comes and hangs onto my outside. Its just one big spiral. This isnt thoughts no. Its just words. Harmless words. I dont think I should be alone right now. I need someone but I dont want anyone does that even make sense?is no one there anymore. Ive made this improvement on my own. Its like being givven an award and not having anyone clap. my appointment with Rick is well iunno when. I fucking hate having to stick to an appointment. usually ont hat day im a bag of nerves and get myself so low anyway and ugh. I wish I could just turn up when I really do need someone to talk to instead of bering it all back up when I was doing fine to begin with. I dont think I should be alone right now. I guess nwo would be the perfect time to meditate or something but Im honestly scared shitless. my mood has slipped within minutes.