I picked up my 'tickets' today! very exciting and I am going to buy my suitcase tomorow. I am very scared of being fat even though I know I am. Ive been refered to the eating disorders place in jonsinville. I am so scared for my appointment. I am so scared and nervou sabout everything. Ive been taking my pills wrong and too much of them at night because ive relied on them now to get me to sleep. So when the doctor asks me how they have been I have to lie agian. I am very excited about my tickets. And I took my grandad out today to town and he got some things he wanted. I am very sad about leaving him for a year because his health is declining but he told me I have to put myself first. I'm watching a programme about fat people with gastirct bypass surgery, I am so scared to get fat. I know I am though. and it is all horible.