mahalarose

So Rick thinks we are getting nowhere anymore. I know hes right but no one takes in intrest in me the way he does. I go cos hes someone who listens to the craziest of craziest things I have to say....

WHAT THE FUCK! I am not going to cry. I am not going to slip into the carpet and let it devour my aspirations and dreams and leave me paralyzed for the night. I will not think about the good times,...

Stuff is still the same. I lost it a few nights ago and got my vivid and wrote all this negative stuff over my beautiful positive mural on my wall..I scribbled out the eyes on the peoples faces..I...

I just want to be sick. I've waited too long though, I've just been sitting here like an obese whale. I gave bloodd yesterday and the lady askedme how much I weigh and I told her like I didn't have a...

I have a refridgerator in my head again. I'm thankful I can still write, and read. For once, I am thankful that I am still aalive. I haven't got mcuh enthusiasm though. I have to do my geograpy, I...

My body is struggling and I am struggling to not let it influence my mind. I'm quite worried. I have been eating quite well. for the past 4 days my pee has been really dark brown. Its embarassing but...

Rick worked out that I have been about 25 days free of glue..and woah has my mind and my whole being came right back to being human! I wish to say that the slimy stuff is repulsive and If I had it...

I slept at about 12 last night and woke at around 5..couldnt get back to sleep. I ws just laying there not scared. I slept with one light on last night! I went to the docs and the infection in my leg...

I've just seen Rick..and I made real progress. I feel so undescribably at peace withmyself. The sun is comeing through my window, I even removed the curtains so I could have the whole window...

So I played 4 games of polo all day. at least I didnt have to spend it at work. Mom and I fought on the way here and on the way home. I felt so weak at polo. And in between games all I could do was...

I feel like shit. I am alone. There is nobody here to look after me for once and why? because I fucking withdrew from everyone. no ones ever gunna want me anyway. I'll never be thin enough. my skin...

so angry. cant break free. I cry all the time. cant do this for much longer. and nothing is going right. everything just lowers me into a bottomless hell. im not going to be here for much longer.

 I've found a place. Its a secret. And I ark my car on the side of the road..walk along the road for a bit and then a trail goes under a bridge and theres this huge pipe running under the bridge and...

I dont know why im still alove. I cant do anything right and the slightest thing sets me off.i cant shake it off this time and I am fastly choking on all my misery. I cant escape it and it cant...

Sipping my rockstar. Just like the old days. My head is so heavy. Completly scattered too. The cicadas are somewhat comforting. I'd even do petrol now if my mother wasnt standing downstairs. All I...