i lost it last night when i got up to go to bed...i was so dopey from the oxazepam i thought i would just put all the stuff away that i had piled up in the living room...but when i went to the kitchen to refill my water for the night i felt numbness and there was a knife in my sight and i ended up cutting with that...and then since it wasn't bad i finished getting ready for bed and when in my room i still felt so numb and not myself and ended up cutting a lot.  Not bad...just a lot. I knew I might do a little but usually I can keep it to a few cuts and be done with it...i didn't want to stop...i wanted to keep going and going and going...over 35 cuts.  I'm really not happy with myself about it...and whats worse is I still want to do more.  I feel like doing it to my entire body from my face to my feet..and i know that is horrible.  I just gotta hang in there another 1 hour and 15 minutes...less then that really until i leave my apartment.  I put a liquid spray bandage on all the cuts and that was a bad idea....now my whole arm is sticky and woke up with everything stuck to it.  Curad I think was the brand name.  Not a good kind if it ends up leaving everything so sticky.  I just feel really screwed up right now.  I can't seem to shake it and I just don't know how to get back to feeling good for any length of time.  I am trying to keep to normal activities but nothing works.  I just want to wake up one of these days and feel good for a change.