see...i knew it wouldn't kill ya...just make you feel kind of cool and kind of shitty at the same time.  I don't know what else to do anymore.  I feel like I'm out of options.  I am just so tired of this.  I am trying to feel better...but I can't seem to make myself.  I'm trying to see the positives and focus on them but that doen't work either.  I'm so tired of dealing with this.  I called the crisis line but that wasn't any good...and I left messages on my psychiatrists answering machine and my old counsellor there.  I really need to talk to one (or both of them) about that protocol that did absolutely nothing.  I'm so pissed...not that I wanted to be in there but the way they went about things.  I've got a fever today and my eyes are weird and when I sit or stand up I feel nauseas so just laying low.  Not much else to say other then this whole system is crap and wants me dead.  That's the only conclussion I can come up with.