gossipgirlxoxo

Activity

• Depression
  

  Life was good and now it is back downhill

  Posted by: gossipgirlxoxo

  Posted: 03/19/2017

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  The past month was been so good. Well good for me anyways. I don't know what has happened this week but it has been complete hell. I promised myself that I wouldn't cut. I wasn't even thinking straight before I knew it I was cutting. Now I'm afriad to wear short sleeves of any kind. I'm afriad my boyfriend will see the scars. I'm scared out of my frecking mind. My make up makes it even more noticeable and I don't know what to do. I'm scared and right now I feel alone. I'm afriad to talk about...

• Depression
  

  Are your friends really your friends?

  Posted by: gossipgirlxoxo

  Last Reply: meggg22 01/31/2017

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  So in High School we do a senior day for sports and some clubs. Today was the Track Senior day, my senior day. Basically the underclassmen have a theme given to them by the senior and they make shirts, decorate the lockers, and make them a lot of food. So I had my sister, good friend and (apparently) a bad friend in my group. Everything was amazing. I was actually smiling, not forcing one. I brought some of the food home when I went home for lunch and I started eating some cookies (that the bad...

• Panic Attacks
  

  "I don't understand why?"

  Posted by: gossipgirlxoxo

  Posted: 01/26/2017

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  Last night my mom and I were at my sister's track meet. I have been pretty good about my panic attacks. I've been staying relaxed and out of situations that could make them happen. I guess last night I couldn't avoid it. My mom and I had got dinner (chicken and fries) and were sitting watching the races. I picked up the box that had all the food in it not realizing how much I was shaking and the food flew out of my hands and all over the place. I guess I knew why my mom was laughing at first...

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  I want to be happy

  Posted by: gossipgirlxoxo

  Posted: 01/21/2017

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  I just want to be happy. I honestly don't think that is a lot to ask for. I wake up not wanting to be here and go to sleep crying. I try my best to put a front up for my family because I want them to enjoy what we do all together. People tell me that my family life is good yet I'm always by myself. I'm the odd child out. I have no one. I don't have that special click with anyone. I'm tired of being sad and I wanto things to improve but they never seem to. I feel like I'm trapped in a hole and...

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  Life Sucks

  Posted by: gossipgirlxoxo

  Posted: 01/16/2017

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  Last Night was suppose to be one of the greatest nights. Senior Year. A "great" group of friends. Just us having fun. Oh so I thought. There were 7 of us in a circle with a bottle of Fireball, Vodka, Mike's, and Coors. We all took our first shots at 10ish. Being a lightweight, I was the first one to be pronounced drunk by the others and soon after my one friend (who will be person #1). It was around 11:30 and we were all drunk except for person #2. Person #1, who no one has ever seen drunk...

• Depression
  

  Fake Friends

  Posted by: gossipgirlxoxo

  Last Reply: Debbalina 01/17/2017

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  Last Night, my group of friends were drinking and being a lgihtweight I was gone first. I can remember everything that happened and I wish I didn't because I cried about it all day today.We were having a good time making memories and my one friend, who was more drunk than I was, decided that it would be a great time to start calling me out on everything I've ever done wrong. She was calling me dumb, fake, rude. She called me a bitch. She told me that the diease I have (hyperthyroidism), well...

• Depression
  

  Talking

  Posted by: gossipgirlxoxo

  Last Reply: b_happy 01/08/2017

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  I am a peer leader at my church and every year we do a retreat. This year, I have decided to talk about my diease and I think I'm going to regret it. It is a week away and I'm having panic attacks, being depressed more because I know once people know the real me, they are going to treat me different. Always asking questions. I don't think I'm ready for this.

• Depression
  

  No one helped...

  Posted by: gossipgirlxoxo

  Last Reply: bobinmaine 12/13/2016

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  Today at my track practice, I had a pretty bad panic attack. My team saw me break down and cry. No one tried to help. They starred at me and watch me cry and shake and not being able to slow down my breathing. It took 5 mins for one of my teammates to get me up and bring me to the bathroom. By this time the attack was over but I felt like a baby. Crying in front of my team. I'm the team rock. I'm suppose to be strong. I wasn't. I'm not. I can't even keep myself together anymore. I'm sitting in...

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  Why does this happen to me

  Posted by: gossipgirlxoxo

  Posted: 12/08/2016

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  I did nothing wrong. I did nothing wrong. I did nothing wrong. I did nothing wrong. I did nothing wrong.The more I say it, the less true it seems to me. I was just having a conversation, get yelled at because of it, not allowed to talk to him anymore, fuck.I don't know what to do anymore. I really don't. I try to be happy and make the people around me happy but I always end up dragging them down the road I went down because I need help but afraid to ask for it. I'm afraid of regetion....

• Depression
  

  Bad Guy

  Posted by: gossipgirlxoxo

  Last Reply: ThePepperMan 12/09/2016

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  I just don't understand anymore. I try to be happy and make the people around me happy. But every time I turn away, I'm being blamed for something else. Today, my mom pulled me into her room to tell me to stop snapchatting one of my close guy friends because my younger sister likes him. Like it is my problem that we were having a conversation. And then processed to tell me that I have to make a decision. Either stop talking to him or my sister does. I get yelled at during lunch because I didn't...

• Depression
  

  Problems on top of more problems

  Posted by: gossipgirlxoxo

  Last Reply: billwfriend 12/04/2016

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  My life was going good. I was happy. Yesterday that all changed. My best friend who is dating my other best friend came over and we were watching TV. The way he was acting was making me uncomfortable. He was laying on me and was hugging me and was touching my hands. Later that night, my sister walks into my room and asks me of I like him more than a friend. I told her he is like a big brother to me. His girlfriend early this morning texts me to see if I'm up (which I was) and asked to talk and...

• Depression
  

  Friends and Family

  Posted by: gossipgirlxoxo

  Last Reply: ThePepperMan 11/27/2016

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  Today I had my Cross Country Banquet and being a senior it hit me really hard. I watched all my friends tell me how much I was going to be missed next year and what I was thinking was how am I going to survive next year. On my worst days, these were the people I wanted to be around and they won't be there for me next year. FaceTime can only help so much. I guess I'm trying to say is live everyday to the fullest and make every moment count because there will be times where those people can't be...

• Depression
  

  First Good Day

  Posted by: gossipgirlxoxo

  Last Reply: rainbowlegacym55 11/25/2016

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  So I hope everyone had a good thanksgiving. Today was the first day I felt somewhat happy. I spent the day realxing and then shopped my heart out. I wish everyday could be like this:(

• Depression
  

  Crying without tears

  Posted by: gossipgirlxoxo

  Last Reply: Zoe 11/21/2016

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  I more I cry, the less tears come out. I'm sitting in my house eating lunch and I'm wheeping yet no tears will come out of my eyes. Has this happened to anyone else or am I the only one. I drink water a lot but I guess it has nothing to do with it. 

• Depression
  

  My Mask

  Posted by: gossipgirlxoxo

  Last Reply: Lauradlou 11/22/2016

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  My mask covers up the tears, the saddness, the fear. Nobody has seen me in a while. I want to take off my mask but I'm afraid at what I'll see.