Do you have any place you can go? Just get away for the night. So you don't have to let your kids see you this way. A friend or family member. Or ask your wife to leave for the night and give you some much needed space.

I agree with broken you need to get away from her for a bit. The one who rips your heart out cannot give you comfort, she's the source of your pain. I'm really sorry your going through this but almost everyone here has. You need to peel yourself away from her and collect your thoughts. You're in the begging/bargaining stage and its normal but the quicker you get yourself out of it the sooner you will move forward. I know exactly how you feel but the reality is she has checked out and no amount of tears is going to change that. They call it heartbreak for a good reason. It's worse than death sometimes. But you have 2 young kids to think about and they're always going to need you in their lives. My ex told me when she broke up she had been thinking about it for 2 years, little did I know. So her mind was firmly done. You have to accept it. Take care, but do try to get away for a day or 2. Rely on friends or family if you can, it helps not to be alone my friend.

You're children are going to need you. You didn't do anything wrong. You shouldn't be ashamed to face them. Right now you need to focus on pulling yourself together. Broken made a great suggestion. Spend the night elsewhere. Begging is not only pointless but it will also be the source of regret when you're further down the line. Take it from someone who begged like her life depended on it. I know things seem bleak right now but they will start to get better once you create some distance.

I'm just broken. I can't even leave. She went out shopping like nothing is wrong. I'm here with the kids and can't even enjoy them. I just want to find a hole and hide. I'm trying to hide my tears but I just can't. I'm destroyed and feel completely alone and abandoned.

ESL...I really do know what you feel. Just get through the next few hours until its bed time for the kids. You will get through this. Tomorrow won't be awesome, but it will be better than today.

Personally I would consider getting a spare room set up for her or you (or let her set it up since she wants out) and start detaching. She's light years ahead of you and it's just gonna be way too painful sleeping in the same room let alone the same bed. I know how much it sucks but it's all about you and your kids now. You need to start letting go. Hang in there you'll make it.

I'm just catching up and am so sorry to hear this @ESL. You deserve much better, but you now have to deal with this reality. As others have said, you need to focus on the kids, and on yourself so you can be there for the kids. I followed the same pattern and at one point didn't think I could survive the pain. Well, I did. I won't say life is great, but I'm doing better each day. The key was separation. @Broken is right. Even if it is a spare room, or the basement, you need to find a way to begin detaching from her so you can begin healing. Anything else just continues the torture, and it is made worse by the fact our spouses have already moved on and made the adjustment, so they don't share the same level of pain. I'm so sorry for your situation and hope you can take several deep breaths, and make a space for yourself. Your kids need you and I promise it will get better. First it will hurt like nothing else for a while, but when you detach you start to heal - slowly but surely.

ESL12 - hoping you are okay. You and your family are in my prayers.

Thanks all... IM still alive... barely. I spent all weekend crying, begging somemore like a pathetic lil boy... She held me at times while i cried, said she was sorry etc... but she also ran away from it all. twice on saturday after me crying, she left the house, once with the kids, and a second time by herself to the store. Then the third time she suggested i get out, maybe go to a movie... I got up crying and said, its obvious you dont want to deal with me.. im not going to a movie but im leaving.. I went out and cried by myself, came home around midnight and cried myself to sleep. Yesterday i finally found a bit more strenght. I had mets opening day and spent the whole day with her brother. I drank alot, had a decent time. He and i talked alot about whats going on.. he is furious with her, feels horrible for me. Said no matter what he will always consider me is brother in law. He said he wants to talk to her and really lay into her, but she wont talk to him much about it because she knows how wrong she is. But he got me fireup... i started getting angry. During this whole time, she has been acting like nothing is wrong. texting me about stupid things like what she bought at the store while she went out shopping alone. Then yesterday about a apair of shoes she bought online and that she found a coupon code. In person telling me about things going on at work for her. Ive been quiet and short with all my responses.. and most texts not even responding at all. I can't even look at her right now without feeling pain. im a shell of the person i was, im feeling lost. alone, and stripped of everything i care about. Lifeless and devistated. A huge part of me just wants her gone, I know it may be the only way to start to heal... but im affraid i wont be there for my kids alone. Im affraid ill be to weak to be strong enough to take care of them.. that ill cry for hours and wont be able to function... I want to hate her so much... I dont want to love her like I do. How can i possibly love her so much after all this... what is wrong wth me that i can't just let her go. That still want her. Im crushed. confused, affraid and alone. I feel complely abandoned. I still just want to disapear.

You'll get stronger especially once you split. She has shown her true colors now, remember that anger and strength you felt at the Mets game (great job getting out by the way!). You are already starting to see that once she's gone you'll begin to heal...it's soooo true! It's a long slog but you'll make it. Great job on ignoring most of her texts, I would keep it all about the kids and the separation. Like WHEN can we separate??? Suggesting you go to a movie....that's classic. My ex did the same when I was trying to convince her to stay. They've emotionally detached. Now is the time for strength and pride as self dignity. Think of your kids. They deserve a strong dad.

There is nothing wrong with you for not wanting to let her go. The only one in the wrong is her. That doesn't help you, though. Grieving is important too. It is fine to cry, in fact it is quite necessary if you are going to heal. I would try to find a peaceful safe place to have the freedom to do that. Let me make something clear to you and you are not going to like it... YOUR WIFE'S ARMS IS NO LONGER THAT SAFE PLACE. I am so very sorry for your pain. You and your children are in my prayers.

I cried a bit earlier today, but for the most part have kept it together.. im still feeling a bit of the anger i felt yesterday, but i can tell its fading. We car pooled today, to leave one of our cars for our nanny to take my daughter to school... I really have no desire to pick her up, i know it will only cause pain... Im still feeling pretty low though.. I know this isn't my fault, but i still feel as a man, as a father, I have failed my kids, and my family... and maybe even my wife to a small degree. I know it sounds stupid of me, but its just how i feel.. Im hearbroken, im lifeless, and dont know how long it will take to shake these feelings. I dont want to be around even my kids. I struggle to find joy with them right now. I dont want them to see me like this, and I dont want to burdon them. I know i have to be strong for them, but im feeling weak, im feeling like garbage thrown away, abandoned, unloved by my wife... the person i cherish, the person im so inlove with.. How can i still feel so much love for her after all this... why am i so weak... Why can't i hate her. I dunno.. im just so lost right now.

So last night, I was offered tickets to tonights Mets game by her brother, i accept. Told her i had to run out to pick them up around 8... thats when she tells me that if i wanted, she would pick them up cause she was thinking of staying at her fathers house... I said no, ill pick them up... (I just wanted to get out). Hearing her say she would sleep at her fathers upset me. I walked out of the room and sat on the couch and cried.. she came out and sent the kids downstairs.. asked me what was wrong... I just shook my head, and said what do you want me to say... I cried some more.. she got up and went down with the kids. I just left. Met her brother, talked ot him a few.. but didn't go home. I went to a local bar to grab a drink alone... she started texting and calling me.. i didn't answer... eventually I did and she said you coming home soon, i want to get settled in at my fathers. I said yep and hung up. I waited another half hour and went home. I pulled into the driveway, her car was already running and packed... She walked out i looked at her, she said good night... I put my head down with no response and went into the house. Cried myself to sleep... Im just miserable.. The thoughts of her just cut me and half.. I still can't even get myself to enjoy my kids.. I want to be alone, I want to cry in a corner and block the whole world out.

It took me several hours, however, I've read each and every post in this thread. This is my very first post on this particular board but I've been a member of DS for a couple years. As I've been divorced for 4 years as of yesterday (separated 2 years prior to that), I'm hoping I can give you some hope and advice of what helped me go through the process.

My ex-husband and I were married for 10 years and have 2 children together. They were 6 and 2 at the time of our separation. We had a miserable marriage those last couple years. He didn't even TRY to work things out...and the burden of everything fell on me. I was devastated over the breakup of my marriage. He was my high school sweetheart and we had been through so much together...him and those children very literally were my whole LIFE. But I couldn't force him to love me nor did I want to. I was worth more than that.

The breakup of my marriage was by far the hardest thing I've ever gone through. In hindsight, I realize now I put myself through so much unnecessary suffering. I even checked myself into a mental ward for suicidal ideations. Twice. I can assure you I've been in the same exact shoes.

Your feelings are normal. The pain is unbearable. But, I promise you it gets better. But that is ONLY if you let it. Maybe this will seem like a kick in the pants but, honestly, I think you need that.

It is obvious your wife no longer wants this marriage. I KNOW the thought of that is painful and beyond heartbreaking. But, wallowing in self pity and allowing yourself to stay stuck in the wishing and hoping will not allow you to move on. No one expects you to move on overnight. You will go through the grieving process but you MUST take the necessary steps to work on your healing and that includes separating residences. So many before me have given you some wonderful advice. We've been there before. It feels like it sometimes but you are not the only one who has gone through this. LISTEN to these people...we know what's best as we've gone through and learned from our own actions.

You are overwhelming your wife and, as long as you keep doing this, she will continue to stab you in the heart. She's feeling guilty and whether she should or shouldn't feel that way means nothing at this point. She wants to separate and there's not a damn thing you can do about that right now. The more you keep doing this to yourself, the worse it's going to be. You tried to save your marriage but it is obvious it is not meant to be. You need to accept that for what it is. Your wife seems so callous as she grieved the loss of her marriage probably long before she blindsighted you with this.

You will always love her and you will always, in some way, miss what you had.

You have GOT to pick yourself up and work to leave the home or ask her to leave. Details can be worked out later. I know you will be going to Ireland here soon. This is the perfect opportunity to set up where you will go when you return. Set boundaries...ask that she not contact you AT ALL unless it's about the children. Sure, that's painful but, honestly, you need to suck it up. Maybe that is callous, I don't know but, unless you take some responsibility for your own mental health, you are going to continue to suffer so badly it hurts to breathe. Why continue to torture yourself that way? Everyone here wants to see you begin to heal...for once...LISTEN. FORCE yourself to do what others have suggested.

I have gone through this and came out the other side. My CHILDREN have gone through this and have also came out the other side. Today, we are wonderful and HAPPY. I have never in my life been as happy as I am now. My children are well-adjusted, well-behaved, get good grades in school and not a single one of us wallows in what life was like before. I had to leave the family home to keep my sanity. It was the only way. To this day, I can say without a doubt, it was the best decision I ever made.

Today, I am with a wonderful man...the true love of my life. I didn't know I was in a loveless marriage until I met my fiance. I have never been treated with the respect and love he gives me on a daily basis. My ex-husband isn't a bad person but, in hindsight, I realize he lacked what I wanted and needed in a relationship. I have found that and I am so much in love, I cannot even truly put it into words.

Had I killed myself or kept myself in the vicious cycle of self-pity and hopelessness, I would not have found the happiness and peace I feel today. Divorce sucks terribly, no doubt about that. But, no one in this world can do for you what you must. Listen to the advice and force yourself to take it. Your story is like so many stories before you.

If you love your wife, you need to let her go. Be mad at her for what she's done but it is much worse to stay with someone that you don't love or want to be with. She's doing what she feels is best and there's nothing you could do to change her mind. You fought the good fight...now it's time to accept she doesn't want to be with you and work on moving on.

I promise you with every fiber of my being you WILL survive this if you let yourself begin to move on. And I can also promise one day you WILL be happy again...like myself, you might end up being happier than you ever were before.

(((HUGS))) Please don't continue to ignore the advice of those who know and understand. It will only serve to hurt you further.

@redheaddiva - Thank you for taking the time to read, and respond to this... Your right on many levels... I can't make her love her, and i certainly dont want to spend the rest of my life with someone that doesn't. Your journy is encouraging.. and i hope to find that strenght you have and ultimate happiness. im struggling to find it, i guess its new and fresh for me, i dunno. My chest phsyically pounds and aches right now. I just have these feelings of crushed and alone. Im affraid to start over.. im affraid to take these steps back in my life. Im affraid for my kids and where they will live and the life they will now have. My mother died when i was young.. 5 years old. Family and my desire to have parents together in a home with my kids is all i cared about. I want so much better for them then i ever had and now that just wont be. im hearbroken and crushed. I know if I can find away to keep breathing ill some how make it through, but right now it looks like a dark and ugly future. I try not to cry, but it just happens, i can't even stop it when i try. I can't explain it other then im just lost and unable to control my emotions right now.... I dont even know where to start to heal... moving out is a start, but i dont even know where to go. and im not sure i can stay in a home we built as a family, all around is a reminder of her.