Well. It has been a rough night and morning. She is still in a lot of pain and needs help doing just about everything. I havnt left her side. Helping her up and down in out of bed. Bathroom and to even just walk. I've been by her side every mine. Taking care of the kids and her. She has said thank you several times. With lack of sleep I'm feeling a bit down. I guess she can see it cause she asked me what was wrong. I just said in tired. I'll continue to be here for her. But I suspect I'll only be hurting myself in the end. Time will tell. And I guess if in prepared for the hurt it may not hurt as much.

I think that you are a wonderful man and husband to be taking care of your wife while you are in such turmoil. Regardless of what happens you can take pride in the fact that you stuck by her regardless. Hang in there and try to get some needed sleep.

Well. We had an interesting talk last night. We went to bed and she started the convo by saying thank you. I really appreciate everything your doing. She went on to say how she now realizes how risky this was and how vein it was. She is having some regrets for doing it. She said knowing now what it's like she never would have done it. She said thank you again and said that if I was ever in a similar position she wanted me to know she would be there for me too. She finished it off by grabbing my hand saying I love you. I was taken by surprise by that. I said I love you too. And I know she would be there for me. I also reassure her that once she gets past the pain she will be very happy she did this. She is going to look amazing and be happy. I'm confused on many levels. One she is drugged up. Two she is in pain. So I don't know for sure if her words are true although Id like to think on the pain meds she would be more honest with her feelings. She just may not remember once she is off them. I'm also fearful that her I love you in her mind was more like a brother love then a husband wife love. I don't know if I'm over analyzing things now but I need to be cautious. I can only hope this traumatic event may be the kick in the ass she needed. But who knows.

I am so hopeful she will remember and truly feel the words she spoke. Keep on your path.

Well. Things have only gotten more interesting. She made a comment about being upset with my sister. For kinda distancing herself from my wife. I said that she is just upset. That for my sister she is loosing a sister. My wife proceeded to say she understands but it's damaging that if we got back together my sister and her would be strained. She proceeded to say that this surgery has changed us and our relationship. She wouldn't elaberate on this. Said she wanted to talk to her therapist first but that she did want to talk to me. I just said no problem. She has been a lot more affection. Hugs and light touches. I'm still not sure if it's the pain killers she is on or if things in her head are actually changing. She just stepped out to talk to her mom alone. I'm guessing about me since she didn't want to talk in front of me. I'm still cautious but will admit there is some optimism here. Time will still tell and I'm still just taking things day by day.

Just an added comment here. I can see here out in my car talking to her mom. She is crying. Not sure if that's good or bad.

Sometimes it takes something significant happening to us in order to see the light. I truly hope that she sees the light. Good luck! Keep us posted.

I don't like to make a lot os assumptions based on your writing because you may find hope where there may be none. I think number one reason wife pushed you away in the first place because she herself began feeling more unattractive. ..im just getting a sense of this and opted for surgery. I don't know your wife or her reasoning but it seems this way to me. I know you gave her reasonings but they sounded more like excuses.

Well wishes for her quick recovery

Regardless the reason, her tears are good. Some reasons are higher on your list of desirability than others. The worst thing is apathy, so count her tears as a good thing. I wish you (and me) could not be on the edge all the time... Waiting for some sign good or bad. It is exhausting and you deserve some sense of security (somehow). Personally, even when things seem good, I sometimes feel a sense of playing Russian Roulette... Waiting for the hammer to hit.

Prove to her by action, and DO whatever it is that she feels she needs to be done.

Thank you all. I'm just continueing to be myself and be there for her. I have no real expectations from her right now. Just continue to give her my love and commitment. Continue to be the good husband and father I know I am. I suspect she is starting to regret having this surgery. It's been far more painful then she ever dreamed it would be. She has actually said it was stupid and vein. She would never do anything like this again. I don't know how she feels about me or herself at the moment. We havnt had that clear conversation. But her actions have mad me feel she is a bit closer to me. Her heart seems more open and the wall she put up seems to be down for now. But I'm cautious because she needs me. This has been very hard on her and Ive been helping her every step of the way. She has t even been able to dress herself. Get in and out of bed. Bathroom and along baths all done with my help. She would be lost without me and I suspect the grand picture is painted. She realizes as much as she wants to be independent she still needs me and wants me. But we shall see

Well... My first day back to work since her surgery, she wasn't feeling up to going to work today and stayed home... The last 4 days have been interesting... im still not realy clear on where her thoughts are on us... Im not going to ask right now, just let her deal with her pain and trying not to make this about me, or us. Ill continue to be there for her in any capacity she allows for now which seems to be alot. This morning i helped her wash again, spong bath... I can feel I am still struggling with some trust issues... Mostly due to just not knowing where her head and heart is towards me... This morning she was out of bed early, around 5;30 am which isn't unusual the past few days, she has had trouble sleeping. But i came out to check on her and she was texting with someone. She said it was her brother, but I dont know for sure. I foud that odd, but her brother is up early too so its completly possible. My mind went to the negative place though... I really dont think there is someone else, atleast not physically, but ive wondered if there is someone emotionally filling in the gaps that i haven't been allowed to fill over the last several months. When I left this morning i had an internal struggle... I wanted to kiss her good bye.... I didn't, i said good bye and left for work... I guess this ordeal will be the end all one way or the other... either its the eye opener she needed and opens up and allows us to restore our marriage, or, she will not, and this will probably be the eye opener that ill need to realize i am fighting a battle i can not win. Im choosing to try to remain positive, continue to be who i am and be there for her... its really all i can do right now. Time will tell. Thank you all for the kind words and support... I appreciate it alot more then any of you may ever really know.

Well, I spoke with her a few minutes ago.. she is still in a good amount of pain... im going to head home a bit early from work today to help her out.... She also changed her follow up appointment from Wed to this evening, she not only wants me to take her, she wants me to be with her in the room with the doc... The pre op appointments she didnt even ask me to go... now im aware she can't drive herself to this, so ofcourse i she needs someone to take her, but she could have asked her mom... also wanting me in the room with her, she doesn't really need me in with the doc, but wanting me there ill take as a positive sign. This all could be the same reason she wanted me to take her to the surgery in the first place... a month or two ago when the topic of me taking her first came up, I asked her why.. if she wanted to be seperated why... She said at that time cause she feels safe with me... So im still a bit guarded... this all could just be for her comfort and not a reflection of our marriage.. Now in my eyes.. I can't understand how this wouldn't mean something to her... I even said to her a month or two ago, if She feels safe with me, why don't those feelings mean anything... at that time she said cause im still family... I didn't understand it then, and its still confusing... I may be completly wrong here, I hope not, but im still at her mercy. I hope one day soon she matches her actions with words. I hope when she stated she feels like this ordeal has changed things, she means her love for me and her realization that our marriage is what she really wants... But until she verbalizes that, i guess ill have to continue to be gaurded. Sucks at times, cause i hold back.. I want to kiss her and give her my full love.. but im only giving some for now. doing my best.. thats all i can do.

Hang in there. You are doing all you can do to save your marriage. I wish my husband was more like you. my prayers go out to you.