darebearsworld

Activity

• Eating Disorders
  

  Terrified of Doctors

  Posted by: darebearsworld

  Last Reply: red47640 02/19/2017

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  I have been having some issues lately. Ive been having constant pressure in my abdomen, like all my stomach muscles are tightening at once. My mom wants me to see a doctor, and even made an appointment that im not sure im going to go to. I have other issues also. I always assumed it was my medication. Like, my heart will beat really fast for no reason. I can walk 10 feet and my heart will beat fast for a second. I take a medication that could affect my heartbeat. I am just so terrified that I...

• Self-Injury
  

  I Will Never Be "Just a Person" Again,

  Posted by: darebearsworld

  Posted: 02/19/2017

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  Today was a great day. I felt so sick these last few days so I was happy when I woke up and could breathe out of my nose. I went into work and was helping run self-checkout when another cashier asked me to help him find an item for a customer. The customer was very nice. He asked me how I was doing and before I even answered he started talking. "I dont know anything about you, but what could make such a beautiful girl such as you do something like that to yourself?" As he holds my arm. He wasnt...

• Sexual Abuse
  

  Trapped In My Mind.

  Posted by: darebearsworld

  Last Reply: LuckyEmpath 02/17/2017

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  Today in counseling my counselor has mentioned the "chest of drawers" method of recovery. Where you open a drawer and put away a memory and only allow yourself to think about it at certain times. So many times I just want to scream at her. I cant just forget about it and no matter how hard I try, I cant get it off my mind. Its there when I wake up. Its there when I go to sleep, shower, driving, working, all the time. Its this constant heavy feeling on my chest. I could be having a funny...

• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
  

  Discussion Comment

  Posted by: darebearsworld

  Posted: 02/02/2017

  darebearsworld commented on the discussion Night Terror Incident..

• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
  

  Night Terror Incident.

  Posted by: darebearsworld

  Last Reply: mujicaptsd 02/02/2017

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  I went to bed around midnight. I was perfectly fine. I had just talked to a good friend, worked on my writing some, watched a funny TV show and laid down. Around 3 in the morning I wake up to find myself with my face laying in a pile of broken glass, and im bleeding. Ive ripped out chunks of my hair and have scratches down my chest. Apparently the picture frame on my nightstand fell off and broke. During my night terror I somehow managed to slice my forhead wide open. I drove myself to the...

• 

  New Friend

  Posted by: darebearsworld

  Posted: 01/20/2017

  darebearsworld became friends with OlderCPer.

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  New Friend

  Posted by: darebearsworld

  Posted: 01/20/2017

  darebearsworld became friends with OlderCPer.

• Rape
  

  Hopeless.

  Posted by: darebearsworld

  Posted: 01/20/2017

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  Do you ever get into that feeling where you feel hopeless. Like, no matter how many times people tell you that you are loved and cared for, nothing matters. That person who broke you matters more. As many times that I look at my friends and family, and tell myself I love them and that they love me, I think of my rapist, or picture his face and instantly hate myself. I see that rape and play it over and over in my head. And, no matter how hard I try, I cant see through it to see the light of my...

• Self-Injury
  

  People are CRUEL.

  Posted by: darebearsworld

  Last Reply: MJ39 01/25/2017

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  I work in customer service at a grocery store. I do multiple jobs including running a register multiple times a day. Yesterday was a steady day I guess. It started out great. I was asked to give a cashier a break and so I took over for her. I run a couple customers through and then we got pretty slow. I started cleaning off the register when a groucy old couple comes to my line and begins unloading their cart. I can feel the stares. I usually wear some type of sleeves, but it got really hot...

• Rape
  

  Will It Ever End?

  Posted by: darebearsworld

  Last Reply: gregsbaby 01/06/2017

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  New Years Eve I decided to go to a friends house and plays cards, eat pizza and wait for the ball to drop. I ended up staying still about 4 in the morning. 2017 was going to be my years. I promised myself I was going to change and become better. Better in my job, saving money, and building relationships. But, as im driving my 30 minute car ride home. 30 minutes. I became depressed and was getting constant messages all night long from another friend who was having a party and wanted me to come....

• Sexual Abuse
  

  Discussion Comment

  Posted by: darebearsworld

  Posted: 12/23/2016

  darebearsworld commented on the discussion Everyday is a Struggle to Survive..

• Sexual Abuse
  

  Everyday is a Struggle to Survive.

  Posted by: darebearsworld

  Last Reply: OlderCPer 01/21/2017

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  Some days are better than others. Or maybe just easier to hide. Its that feeling when an older man gets close to me. Or when someone asks for my phone number. That same familiar feeling of terror, of fear, of worthlessness. That his pleasure was worth more than my life. At 9 years old my whole life was taken from me, and ever since ive been trying to pick up pieces along the way to try to piece some back together, to try and build this new life. A new me. But, how can I build a new me if I dont...

• Depression
  

  Discussion Comment

  Posted by: darebearsworld

  Posted: 12/03/2016

  darebearsworld commented on the discussion Some Days..

• Depression
  

  Some Days.

  Posted by: darebearsworld

  Last Reply: darebearsworld 12/03/2016

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  Some days I love life and have so much energy. I am able to get up and go to work and communicate with my customers, and smile. Some days I can come home and clean my house or finish the laundry thats been piling up for days now. Some days I can come home and make dinner. Some days I can go out with friends and make conversation and even laugh, and mean it. But, most days, this is not the case. Most days my alarm goes off and I quickly hit the snooze button, over and over. Most days I have to...

• Self-Injury
  

  Underneith My Sleeves

  Posted by: darebearsworld

  Last Reply: beilkat0 12/06/2016

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  I met with an old friend from elementary school a while back. It had been years since we had seen eachother or even talked. When I first met him at this coffee shop type place, I wore a jacket. Considering the last time I saw him my arms were clean and clear. Anyway, we kept meeting eachother for a while, just to catch up. He knew I went into foster care and what not and that I was out now and "on my own". So, finally after many coffee shop meetings, texting, and phone calls, I decided to shop...