Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
Today in counseling my counselor has mentioned the "chest of drawers" method of recovery. Where you open a drawer and put away a memory and only allow yourself to think about it at certain times. So many times I just want to scream at her. I cant just forget about it and no matter how hard I try, I cant get it off my mind. Its there when I wake up. Its there when I go to sleep, shower, driving, working, all the time. Its this constant heavy feeling on my chest. I could be having a funny conversation with my friends and it will pop into my head. I am living in misery day in and day out and I cant help but hate her when she tells me to just put away my feelings. I cant control it. Once it hits my mind, it doesnt leave. I just want to scream and cry and kick, but I just sit still, staring off into space. I may look zoned out, but im reliving a torcher that I have to deal with by myself. I have no one I can call when the thoughts wont leave. I sit and drown as they fill my lungs and I cant scream. I cant shove it away, its etched on my eyelids. When it starts to come over me, all I feel like someone is pushing me down to the floor. Like I have barbells on my shoulders. My eyes instantly fill with tears and I am trapped. Im alone and trapped. Someone else made a choice to hurt me and I live with those consequences for life. I dont want to feel this way. I try so hard to be positive and look at the good things in my day, but my memories and trauma always come back to haunt me. I try so hard, but I cant stop them. I feel trapped, when will I escape?
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Middy is off for a bit so if anyone needs a CL please just give me a shoutSending a big hug...xo
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I was sexually assaulted as a kid. I find it hard to accept that another person's actions caused me so much harm. He made bad choices and now I am paying the price. Stupid PTSD!
i guess i'm shocked because..usually, when you tell someone NOT to think about something...or tell someone to "keep that out of your mind"...you tend to think exactly about that...how can you NOT? if someone said, don't think about strawberries....i automatically think "don't think about STRAWBERRIES"...hence, THINKING about it.
my psychologist suggested a "grounding" method...when you try to bring yourself back to the present by asking things about your surrounding. to be honest, it didn't work at first...the memories and flashbacks were much stronger...i was able to answer questions about my surroundings, but what i went through was a lot stronger.
i'm not sure if you're familiar with the "grounding" exercise...so i'll explain (skip this part if you already know it)...ask yourself (and answer) these questions...
1) where are you? example answer: in my room
2) what color are the walls? example answer: white
3) what does the floor look like? example answer: tan carpet
n you basically just keep going from there. after a while (a long while for me), i was able to get my mind from going down that dark place...
i hope i helped...at least a little bit....keep your head up!
For me, I had to express my feelings, talk about them with someone safe (my therapist), have my feelings validated and then move through the feelings and process them. It was only once I did this that I was able to move forward.
I had many of the same symptoms/body feelings that you describe here. In order to move through them I had to express them. When I felt held down I needed to physically get up and move my body. I also told myself that I was not trapped any more. When I felt that my chest was heavy and I couldn't scream - I screamed. I let out sound. I screamed into pillows and I screamed when I was driving down the street. I screamed when I punched my punching bag. Since I was silenced during the abuse, making sound was essential to my healing. So if you feel like you need to make sound then please make sound. Even if it is a low groan. Let the sound out.
There are definitely things you can do to move yourself forward in your healing. 95% of healing is done when we are not with our therapist - especially if we only see them for 50 minutes a week. I love the grounding method Shai suggested above - grounding is very good as it keeps us present. But please talk to your therapist and let her know that the chest of drawers method does not work for you. You can heal it's just a matter of finding what works for you. And if this therapist can't find what works for you then please find another who can.
I think it's another way if " dealing without really dealing with issues". Makes the therapist look good, and the person continues to blame them selves every time when they think about it.. kinda like
"" I'm not aloud to think about it, I'm thinking about it, now I'm really thinking about it, I CANT stop thinking about it, I'm failing,..." then all the negative thoughts roll in, and in the end no help what so ever...
Next session comes around and the therapist asks "how's it going" to scared to admit anything, the victim says " thank you, it really helped"
The therapist says ok, I can do this to the next person... and the cycle continues....
Sorry, it's long... really not sure if I had a point in there... but I've seen that idea before... and I had no idea how it would work with me... I have a very stupid memory... I can't forget anything...
Wish I could forget but as easy as when I was a kid....
long story short, i stopped seeing her.
n what you say is true. they just push out this idea of not having to talk about *your* BIG issues, then the "victim" side you us doesn't want to disappoint the "professional", so we smile n say what they want to hear...the "professional" smiles n moves on with a "case closed" smile, n done. then we're back to being the victim...holding in another "secret".
ugh...i need to learn to speak up. you just clarified something for me. maybe if i had said something to her, she would realize that method doesn't work...what if she's been giving that method to others? crap...
Each of us is responsible for our own healing and only our own healing. If a therapist is doing something that does not work for you then it is your responsibility to take care of yourself by telling the therapist it isn't working. If the therapist has no other tools to work with then it's time to find another therapist. But please don't feel that by you saying something it will prevent all others from having the same trouble you had. You have enough to worry about without feeling like you caused issues for others going to that therapist.