itsjustmeagain

im very proud of my obstaining, and in some ways feel i can gamble again normally, just some ways.  between us, i got a desire to just watch the videos on utube on gambling (it sucks cause the...

the 27th, thats my day, August 27th i was in the vegas airport playing until my plane came 5 months ago.that airport, has been part of my life of gambling and of abuse, my ex bf approached me in the...

in a week i'll hit 5 months, it went freaking fast, as life piles up, and bills, and school, and lunches and events and grocery shopping, life just keeps on going i think of those days - its weird...

I love my brain, and how its so smart and covers me and my emotions into a nice warm blanket. i want to go, there are truly days i dont, but i want to go now, as i felt the urge, of Friday winding...

i wanted to be independent (coming out of a brutal relationship w/an abusive wealthy man) got me addicted or compounded my already emerging addiction, i wanted out from under him, and once i managed,...

if you come and visit my journal, please leave a note/letter/sentence, your name, anything... i'm interested to see who reads, it makes me feel like it wasnt all for nothing :) Happy New...

i have a massage at 2:00 pm, treating myself, i never denied myself back in the dark days, i used to just add to the credit card debt, and my extra cash came from expense reports through many trips...

i think my journal gets read, and i hope it helps others its christmas eve...and how are we doing out there....some will make it, some are too far gone to listen, but with due time will find hope...

had to the urge to go last night, i was in NYC enjoying my holiday party, red wine and steak and good conversation, i laughed it off, it still takes me by surprise..... its only 4 mths, sure i have...

it just goes and goes and goes, as long as i keep myself occupied / weekends, Im safe, they just announced a new casino about 4 miles from me....absolutely frightening to say the least, i'll deal...

100 days, this weekend, i had plans friday, they cancelled, i had planned saturday they cancelled, i had a free sunday, wow all that free time and i thought of it, here and there, it came to me, now...

today is 11/26, tommorow t-day, will be 90 days all my young life i was exposed to liquor consumption, like a scene out of MAD MEN was my househould, the drinking/marintis/suburban neighborhood...

im somewhat settled in the new home, life is very normal and quite boring, i'm connecting with anything i can, my brain i'd say once or twice a day flashes w/gambling scense, or the thought to "just...

i sold my house, i bought a house, i paid my debts, i have new debts, i have a new chancelife is good, and scary and exciting and nerve wracking and full of potential i know 1000000000000000% god...

day 46, well i made it, and i have to say im not one for counting days - i feel that its to much pressure, because i think i did it, and i am cured HA (this is just my addictive brain) not my logical...