itsjustmeagain

day 39, almost close my goal, well my goal to give this shit up forever, its a peaceful settling inside that you except defeat. thats what i think is different this time, i got punched over and over...

still hate gambling, im happy w/that, its brings me nothing, good or bad, just despair 

i really beleve we are all save able? is that a word, lol in my darkest hours, i thought it would never change, i was doomed, maybe i'd have a relief here and there but it was a long shot, i dont...

day 30 (for the 2nd time) i passed two weeks, i did one 46 days and this my 2nd bigattempt, i can honestly the thought of gambling, sickens me and scares me to my core, oh how i wish i tacked this...

i will write in my journal, too embarrassed to write on forum, but i feel like i'm in a trance, and i feel alone, and i want to be left alone to do what i want, and then i do, and i'm right back...

i just got my july comp in the mail, i took it, like i took june's and threw in the garbage, if i looked it would bother me, not enough to go gambling but the amount they offer me reminds me of the...

feel like i dont care about it any more, thats good and bad be right back

i feel like gambling today, i wont, i just wanted to say that out loud, its fathers day, my daughter is gone for the day, i dont have anything planned, my home is clean and tidy, i've seen my friends...

i got my pay, i dont think that had baring on my gambling, money was always there... looking to find peace in my life i guess growing up in slight chaos make me gravitate towards it i deserve...

its def my #1 trigger arghghghhg dont tell me i have to give that up too :) one vice at a time.... obv, my mind is more relaxed and calm and re assuring..."its ok to go" now i know...pray pray...

i dont like counting and im shocked every time i look at the number, cause its not really sinking in, i feel im on a break from a breakdown i think everyone knows what i mean, of course, i want to...

do i miss gambling?  i miss something, thats for sure, its a weird vacancy, like an abusive ex that i still have feelings for but i know is no good for me...im in a period of mourning, and self...

ive never made it past two weekends, one i could, two nope, it did help that i went away but theres always room for gambling, and I didnt do it shocker!!i paid the bills, transferred accounts /...