in a week

in a week i'll hit 5 months, it went freaking fast, as life piles up, and bills, and school, and lunches and events and grocery shopping, life just keeps on going
 
i think of those days - its weird sometimes thinking of them before i go to sleep helps, because it really is a davey/goliath thing - i beat the giant
 
now we all the know you can beat the giant, but he doesnt go away, he sits and waits for us
 
a relapse for me now isnt a horrfying life threatening thing anymore, thats what bothered me the most, in the last months of the addiction, i had no control over "I" - that's fucked up
 
i would fix my problems w/money and then go on my day, and after a while, i started to notice that the money i used to "bail" me out, did NOTHING to curve my gambling "if i just can pay it off i'll be ok and not do it again" but i feared money, money = misery
 
my parents fought alot about money, we had money, mom wanted to spend it, dad didnt
maybe watching them throughout the years i started a hatred for money
whats money to me now...i dont care for it still, but i like knowing its there, money cannot/willnot/doesnot solve anything.....most of us who will get out of debt if we are lucky enough, will still have all the same issues, regardless, we have to work more on the why's and the how coulds more than the regret
Happy Friday all...best to you this weekend/payday/god speed