alchohol
today is 11/26, tommorow t-day, will be 90 days
all my young life i was exposed to liquor consumption, like a scene out of MAD MEN was my househould, the drinking/marintis/suburban neighborhood life, bbq's family gatherings, poker games, driking, eating, socializing
i feel i have been handed alot of shit in my life, i didnt appreciate any of the good times, or maybe its best to say i didnt recognize its goodness
my parents were addicts in one way or another, first alchohol, then pills, abusive to each other, sometimes towards the kids, most DEF they were not present or "in the moment" as you need to be with children, i like to have a drink or two during the week, it gives me at least somethings to ease the world around me, my anxiety, loneliness, etc, im guessing at this point.
not to toot my own horn, but im attractive and well spoken/nice figure/educated/have money for the most part, there is no reason to not be alone...
my last relationship was abusive, for 4 years he went to work on my pyche,never hit, might as well have, im done w/him 2 + years now, today actually is his bday...he is an abusive alchoholic, something like my relatives/dna/lineage, you are attracted to "what you know" sub conscience or not
reason for this entry....i got pulled over, i was very drunk, by the grace of god, he gave me a speeding ticket, and not a mention/question of anything else, this is the 2nd time this year i have gotten away w/it
when i got home i pretty much collapsed and cried until there was nothing left, how stupid i am, how i jeopardize my life my child's if i went to jail, hurt someone or myself.
i have yet another issue to work on and i have visited the AA forum here, and its a busy busy group, they have all / some of our struggles, just in diff context.
im looking forward to cleaning up my act even further, and finding the inner peace i OBVIOUSLY CRAVE AND NEED
thank you god for shedding your grace on me, as I know i dont deserve it....i will make you proud
Thankful thankful thankful.....xxoo everyone GOD BLESS
all my young life i was exposed to liquor consumption, like a scene out of MAD MEN was my househould, the drinking/marintis/suburban neighborhood life, bbq's family gatherings, poker games, driking, eating, socializing
i feel i have been handed alot of shit in my life, i didnt appreciate any of the good times, or maybe its best to say i didnt recognize its goodness
my parents were addicts in one way or another, first alchohol, then pills, abusive to each other, sometimes towards the kids, most DEF they were not present or "in the moment" as you need to be with children, i like to have a drink or two during the week, it gives me at least somethings to ease the world around me, my anxiety, loneliness, etc, im guessing at this point.
not to toot my own horn, but im attractive and well spoken/nice figure/educated/have money for the most part, there is no reason to not be alone...
my last relationship was abusive, for 4 years he went to work on my pyche,never hit, might as well have, im done w/him 2 + years now, today actually is his bday...he is an abusive alchoholic, something like my relatives/dna/lineage, you are attracted to "what you know" sub conscience or not
reason for this entry....i got pulled over, i was very drunk, by the grace of god, he gave me a speeding ticket, and not a mention/question of anything else, this is the 2nd time this year i have gotten away w/it
when i got home i pretty much collapsed and cried until there was nothing left, how stupid i am, how i jeopardize my life my child's if i went to jail, hurt someone or myself.
i have yet another issue to work on and i have visited the AA forum here, and its a busy busy group, they have all / some of our struggles, just in diff context.
im looking forward to cleaning up my act even further, and finding the inner peace i OBVIOUSLY CRAVE AND NEED
thank you god for shedding your grace on me, as I know i dont deserve it....i will make you proud
Thankful thankful thankful.....xxoo everyone GOD BLESS
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