Day 75

im somewhat settled in the new home, life is very normal and quite boring, i'm connecting with anything i can, my brain i'd say once or twice a day flashes w/gambling scense, or the thought to "just go" enjoy, this time i have an edge over my addiction, i do attribute it to many things, 
 
first:  location (im not one to travel far or sit in traffic to get my fix) another reason i moved further away
second: disgust
third: letting down my high power, even though he loves me just the way i am, he loves me enough to make sure i dont stay that way
fourth:  what does it really do?  does it relieve stress, help me in any way emotionally or physically - no
fifth:  im better than that
sixth:  i deserve better than that
seventh:  i will hold myself accountable and not just say "well im addicted its what happens" that is true, but there comes a time you cant use that over and over, you have to finally be aware, and its sad/pathetic to not be able to control your own life, thats how i feel, i know you reading this feel powerless, but when you're done, you'll know what I mean
eight, ninth and 10th - my family loves me and needs me to be happy / whole and financially secure