reasons i think i gambled
i wanted to be independent (coming out of a brutal relationship w/an abusive wealthy man) got me addicted or compounded my already emerging addiction, i wanted out from under him, and once i managed, it took a while, i gambled to escape and to make money on my "spare time"
during my job, with commission i make say about 25-30 an hour....if i won that I would laugh....crazy right? i didnt or couldnt or refused to see that correlation
i just wanted to be left alone to gamble, it was theraputic, he hurt me over and over and i left a good man/marriage (didnt know it at the time) to be w/him, i was intoxicated with his offer of money, prestige, power, terrible things to aspire to, boy did i get a good dose of reality
Absorb this - I had an unlimited money source for gambling and i couldnt stay with him, thats how bad he was, i know this addiction is hard core, but being w/him BLEW the shit out this addiction, it wasnt worth it....my life, heart, soul mostly was being destroyed by him, he wanted to fully possess me and i realized he knew gambling was a way to keep feeding me....he never thought i'd give up my drug dealer...no one ever does?
writing this i understand why this all had to happen, God brought that man into my life to give me exactly what i wanted, so i could return to him humbled, defeated, beaten down and broke, and then God gently lifted up my head and said, "have you had enough" do you want me to show what really counts in life?
yes, please, I do....
Can't wait to see what he has for me next :)
during my job, with commission i make say about 25-30 an hour....if i won that I would laugh....crazy right? i didnt or couldnt or refused to see that correlation
i just wanted to be left alone to gamble, it was theraputic, he hurt me over and over and i left a good man/marriage (didnt know it at the time) to be w/him, i was intoxicated with his offer of money, prestige, power, terrible things to aspire to, boy did i get a good dose of reality
Absorb this - I had an unlimited money source for gambling and i couldnt stay with him, thats how bad he was, i know this addiction is hard core, but being w/him BLEW the shit out this addiction, it wasnt worth it....my life, heart, soul mostly was being destroyed by him, he wanted to fully possess me and i realized he knew gambling was a way to keep feeding me....he never thought i'd give up my drug dealer...no one ever does?
writing this i understand why this all had to happen, God brought that man into my life to give me exactly what i wanted, so i could return to him humbled, defeated, beaten down and broke, and then God gently lifted up my head and said, "have you had enough" do you want me to show what really counts in life?
yes, please, I do....
Can't wait to see what he has for me next :)
Replies
aw, sweetie, you are very strong, you\'ve gone through so much, and you have the courage to walk through this. Hang in there.
So proud of what you are doing with yourself! You are worth it!!