mel40

Today, I feel the possibility of healing. This is a first in this journey. I don't think I will ever be the same, but who is from one day to the next? There are some aspects of me that I would like...

I know I have responsibilities. I know I need to step up. I have a place in this world and the only thing holding me back is me. I've mastered functioning. Now, it's time for me to engage in love.I...

Mostly, I don't notice the changes that are positive. They are subtle and slow. At some point, I relaxed, the pain wasn't as acute, the loss not so severe. It became a part of my life and "a loss."...

Broke right ankle yesterday. Add the pain of a broken bone to the pain of a broken heart. Add difficulty getting around physically to the emotional scar that gets in the way of getting around and...

So, yesterday, I went to the gym and walked two miles with my friend. Today, I lifted weights. I listened to an inspirational video that says "it is possible. See yourself as you want to be and the...

Movement can be hard. Sometimes, I don't want to get out. It helps to have a friend to work out with and listen to me. A friend who shares herself. We are doing well, exercising 3-4 times per week....

I've heard it said that grief comes in waves. Right now, I'm under a big wave. Waiting for it to pass. Concentration impossible. Body taut, ready to snap. Smoked a pack in the last 24 hours. Thats an...

I worked out yesterday and I'm meeting a friend at the gym later. I've increased the amount of time I read devotion and the amount of time I journal/ self reflect. I'm getting there. Small steps are...

made it to the gym again yesterday, but I smoked more than what I would like. Once I logged on and looked at this, I realized that I have not been using relaxation techniques. I will have to remember...

It is a sneaky little bastard. It takes the place of our spouse. It lies down with us in bed at night and wakes up with us in the morning. It really is a sneaky bastard. It hijacks our minds,...

Made it to the gym yesterday and worked out with a friend for an hour and a half. We walked and talked for an hour and then hit the machines for a half hour! I'm down to half a pack a day. That...

Home, where the heart is broken. Where pictures speak of a life once lived that was full, vibrant and complete. A quiet place of solitude where tears can flow at the drop of a hat. My home that is...

I'm on a small vacation and I've used this time to really look deep within. It has been helpful to be away from the house, the memories and the responsibilities. Initially, when people would tell me...

I've lost track of time and begun to find me. The me that I have to live with, the me who needs to be loved, the me who has interests and personality and fears and hope. I'm not the same person I was...

Saturday, first anniversary without him, I cried like the first few days after he passed. It was exhausting. Yesterday, his work memorialized him yet again. It was sweet. And I wasn't the only widow...