mel40

On the outside, it isn't noticeable. Every day, however, I wake up and wonder who I'm sleeping with. I've discovered so many "new" parts of me since his death. Strength, anger, joys, anxieties, fears...

I miss him terribly today. Nothing special happened. I just miss him.I took a dance class last night and I was excellent. He would have been proud of me. I wish I could have shared it with him. Not...

It was today. I started having flashbacks to my previous life, with a husband who had cancer. Strange memories. Us having barbq and iced tea on the side of the road. That was our trip back from MD...

It started last night. A pull. An inkling. I started going through my books and settled on CS Lewis The Joyful Christian. I read the chapter on Psalms. I could feel my spirit hungry for God's word....

I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined family would disappear after a death. But, following my fathers death, his girlfriend of 25 years cut me out.Following Mikes death, my mother in law...

So many things are not as they seem. Life is very complex. People are very complex. My daughter acting out was a symptom of me feeling sorry for her for having lost her Dad. I gave her permission to...

It is still progress. It is still forward motion. Yesterday, I was very gung ho. I did yard work, cleaned, made some plans and made a new friend. Today, I want to go to the cemetery. I never get the...

Moving on requires very little effort. It is what we are forced to do. Breathe, eat, sleep (a little), pay the bills, try a little.Moving forward requires effort. A vision of a future. Of...

I don't even take the time to do the math. I got tired of counting. It's a good thing I only teach elementary math. :)I've realized I have some options in my future. Jobs. People. Responsibilities....

I must say, it has gotten better. Lately, I've made some decisions. BIG decisions. They have impacted how I'm grieving. First, off, I must say that I'm not sad anymore. I have moments of missing...

I've adapted to this new life. I've accepted that he is gone and not coming back. I do my best to take care of the house and the kid and the yard and the cars and I can't do any better than that,...

It does get better. I can see tiny shreds of me emerging and life growing before my eyes. This is not an easy thing, especially for someone who lacks patience. I've begun to focus on others and their...

So, it probably seems premature, but I've been on crutches for two weeks and two days. I'm ready to walk again. It was a blessing in disguise breaking my ankle. It has slowed me down, made me still,...

I smoked about 6 cigarettes today!!!! Finally, that has been tough! I've done so much work in my little inner self, some of the anxiety is finally starting to diminish! I have a quit date in mind....

I enjoy self help and have since in my 20's. in this world, I can become quite focused on what I see and totally miss what I don't see. There is so much that cannot be seen. Finishing the book, the...