Laid up
Broke right ankle yesterday. Add the pain of a broken bone to the pain of a broken heart. Add difficulty getting around physically to the emotional scar that gets in the way of getting around and getting things done. So, I sit very still, with my foot up high, and contemplate my emotional well being and things that matter to me.
Attention. I love attention, but I hold back and I don't want help from ppl or pity. I want to do it on my own. Self defeating. I need to look for ways to improve this, accepting that I need the attention. It's part of me.
Conversations. I love people. I love what they have to offer. Companionship when life is dark or sunny. Support when I can't do it alone. Faith builders. Hugs. Laughter. I have great friends.
Understanding me. I've inherited a huge mess. Losing both my father and husband 8 months apart has created a huge hole in my life. I can't turn to those two to give me direction anymore. They aren't here. When I call on them, they don't answer. So, I have to say that I'm not as bad as I make myself out to be. I'm lonely. It hurts. I'm grieving. It hurts. But, it doesn't define me. Who I am is much more. Everything can be taken away and I will still be me. Still vulnerable, but a lovely person who loves people & God.
What am I doing? I get so caught up in what other people think that I wind up making a lot of mistakes. I put their opinion before my own and them do what they lead me to do. This is not their life. They have their own life and I can't expect them to be able to live two lives. Or make a decision for me that I will have to live with. Only I can do that and I've done a damn good job managing my successes and failures so far.
So, while I sit in pain, which is temporary, I can be quiet and watch things go on around me. Life goes on. I'm tired so maybe I will call up a friend and ask them to come babysit me for a while. Get some love and laughs.... Which is exactly what the Dr ordered.
On a final note, my goal that I established. Exercise more smoke less is still in effect. I am smoking less. Working these crutches isn't worth it. As for exercise, when the swelling is gone, I will use weight to continue to improve my strength and Stamina
Attention. I love attention, but I hold back and I don't want help from ppl or pity. I want to do it on my own. Self defeating. I need to look for ways to improve this, accepting that I need the attention. It's part of me.
Conversations. I love people. I love what they have to offer. Companionship when life is dark or sunny. Support when I can't do it alone. Faith builders. Hugs. Laughter. I have great friends.
Understanding me. I've inherited a huge mess. Losing both my father and husband 8 months apart has created a huge hole in my life. I can't turn to those two to give me direction anymore. They aren't here. When I call on them, they don't answer. So, I have to say that I'm not as bad as I make myself out to be. I'm lonely. It hurts. I'm grieving. It hurts. But, it doesn't define me. Who I am is much more. Everything can be taken away and I will still be me. Still vulnerable, but a lovely person who loves people & God.
What am I doing? I get so caught up in what other people think that I wind up making a lot of mistakes. I put their opinion before my own and them do what they lead me to do. This is not their life. They have their own life and I can't expect them to be able to live two lives. Or make a decision for me that I will have to live with. Only I can do that and I've done a damn good job managing my successes and failures so far.
So, while I sit in pain, which is temporary, I can be quiet and watch things go on around me. Life goes on. I'm tired so maybe I will call up a friend and ask them to come babysit me for a while. Get some love and laughs.... Which is exactly what the Dr ordered.
On a final note, my goal that I established. Exercise more smoke less is still in effect. I am smoking less. Working these crutches isn't worth it. As for exercise, when the swelling is gone, I will use weight to continue to improve my strength and Stamina
Replies
Keep at it sweetie. You are doing the best you can despite all of the misfortune. I would expect nothing less from such a strong woman. Just don\'t be in to big of a hurry for putting weight on that foot. Just give it time to heal. Hugs!
You have written your pain so beautifully...my heart and soul hurt for you but also I am so proud of you for having a great faithful attitude through it all. We can all learn from this...when life knocks us down look out to family and friends and especially look up to GOD. He will never fail us. I think the saying is \"when we are knocked down to our knees, we are in the perfect position to pray\" Blessings to you, Big Hugs Bernard