why can't the good moments last for more than a couple hours. i feel so dizzy. like i'm running in circles trying to find a way to fix this. i want someone to fix me. I WANT CJ TO COME BACK!! with all the things we can do today why can't we fix something like this. SOMEONE MAKE MY HEART STOP HURTING. I WANT IT TO STOP BEATING!!!! whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it hurts so deep. i've never felt anything in the world like this... where the pain is deep down in the pit of my stomach... where the pain swallows my soul. it's a task just to live. it's a challenge to breathe.please someone just say some magical word. make the pain stop. please someone tell me how i fix this. how do i get my life back? how do i get my love back? how do i get my world back?isn't there a way to stop feeling? isn't there a way to feel no pain. i can't breathe. i can't do this. why is this real? why?!i want to pull my hair out. i want to cry until i'm dehydrated. i want to stop breathing. i want to stop aching. i want to be with him. i want him to tell me it's ok. i just want to feel whole again. i'm so empty. CJ i am so lost without you.