MY FAMILY MAKES ME SOOOOOOOOOOOOO MAD. my mom actually put a barrier in front of my door tonight so i couldn;t get out! it makes me want to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm not a FUCKING ANIMAL.... i'm just grieving so FUCK YOU! it makes me so angry. i wish i could be with him or at least with someone who understands!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck everything else. i hope at least CJ sends me good things in 2008 so i don't keep feeling like i wish i died. ='(
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Hang in there. If it\'s any consollation my family has no idea what it is like either. I went home for christmas for the first time in a year and they kept making comments like \"everything happens for a reason\" and \"when i die .. \" it pisses me off. fuck everything happens for a reason. i don\'t believe that anymore. I mean what reason is there for ryan to have died. there isn\'t one. i have come to the conclusion that shit just happens and sometimes you are lucky enough to live your dreams and sometimes you are not. as for the \"when i die .. \" shit for those of us who have personally been affected by death .. for those of us for which dying has become an ever so great reality .. we do not say shit like that anymore .. because dying now means loss .. dying means living everyday without the one person you *lived* for. dying now means losing everything you ever wanted, dreamed for, and that meant everything to you. So, don\'t feel alone. No one understands. No one ever will.