ToddiesGirl
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- I have not posted in a long while even though I still come here often and read.Two years ago this evening I watched my Charlie take his last breath I still miss him more than seems possible. The people in my "surface" life (friends, family) have...
- Charlie lived for 100 days in 2012. The last 25 were horrific. The 75 before that must have been good but I am having a very hard time remembering many of them.I have been dreading tonight because I knew it would lead to the dawn of a year that...
- Seven months ago today I watched my Charlie take his last breath. My life ended that day and time has lost all meaning. It seems like yesterday and I cant believe he is gone. I say almost this same thing with every month that passes. The unreality...
- On April 8, Easter Sunday, the man who rents our farmland texted me at the ICU. He wanted me to tell Charlie that they were done planting our corn. I never got to tell him. That afternoon I had to make the decision to have him removed from the vent....
- Today is our 46th wedding anniversary. Charlie and I were married in 1966. The Summer had been really hot almost like this one. It was about 95 degrees when the ceremony started at 8 pm. Just as we were repeating our vows, a storm broke. By the...
- I have been living in this nightmare of grief now for 18 weeks. I struggle every day to find a reason to go on living. I often hear members talking about finding a purpose but I have not heard what their purpose is. If you have found your purpose,...
- It's a lot longer for some of us than others (about 48 years for me), but do you remember what it was like to be looking for a mate? There was that constant yearning in the heart - knowing you had to connect. It was painful.Then, finally,...
- My Charlie died on April 9, 2012 so it is four months today that we have been apart. I had been simply counting the weeks every Monday. Why does four months sound so much longer than 17 weeks?I am torn between NOT WANTING time to pass (wanting to...
- I don't know what happened. I was hit with a wave of grief that knocked the wind out of me, almost brought me to my knees. I think if I had a gun it would have been all over. It was the most devastating feeling of grief that I have had in this whole...
- Today it is 13 weeks since my Charlie died. I know he can't come back. The pleading and bargaining didn't work. I'll never see him until we are together again wherever he is now.The thing is, it still FEELS like he could. My subconcious won't accept...
- Driving home today I thought maybe I was finally ready to listen to some music. I usually spend the hour and a half drive from my Mom's house crying, talkihg to Charlie or both. I had a 60's CD in the car. What I heard was this song from 1965 -...
- When I see people talking about six months, a year, two years or more, I get scared.I am scared to get so far away from the last time we were together.Julie
- My brother will be visiting in the next week or so. He lives a long ways away, but we are close. When Charlie was in the ICU he came from Florida to be with me. He and Charlie were like brothers and we knew he was probably the only person besides me...
- I was never a great housekeeper. I had my business and worked together with Charlie here on our farm. We always had sort of a comfortable mess.I looked around me today and realized my house is clean and neat. What happened? Is it because I'm retired...
- Yesterday I went to my Moms. I wanted to spend fathers day today with her and visit my Dads grave. When my Dad died four years ago I dont think I had any idea how terrible it is to lose your husband. Im trying to make it up to her a little bit. I...