so sorry for so much pain you feel. I think only God knows why and we cannot speculate...it seemed the more I used to ask why the worse I felt....then I realized it could happen to anyone at anytime. We are equal that way. I think we remain here because we have not finished what we have been placed here for. There are no comforting words enough to not have that hole in your heart but beathing, prayer and mediation and expressing your feelings seems to help me. Hugs

HI Julie;

I don't know what to say. I understand everything you are saying, and I am way earlier in the process than you (3weeks yesterday).

One thing I have been actively telling myself is that, as crazy as it sounds, this was the plan. Till death do we part. And I was recently told by one of the members here, and in my case it is so true, I am greatful that he went first, because there is no way my husband could have handled this kind of emotional pain. One of us had to die first, and I am trying my best to be greatful that he didn't have to endure this pain.

I don't think there is a reason why, it just is. Not one of us gets through life alive. It always ends in death. I think that is why so many friends, family, co-workers have such a hard time seeing our grief. It reminds them that someday, they will suffer a loss. And until that time comes, they must just push the thought aside.

I was with my husband for 35 years, since I was 16 years old. For 35 years we lived togther and worked together. And now I am writing through tears. I feel like I am learning to walk all over again. For 35 years he was my left leg, and now not only do I have to find my own leg to stand on, but I have to learn how to surf these waves of grief.

I hope you find legs soon.....paula

Julie,
Both my parents carried the alpha 1 trait. I lost a brother to the disease in '97, in his case it attacked his liver and he died waiting for a transplant. He had been on the waiting list long before big name celebrities got bumped up to the top. Another brother has it in his lungs and his breathing capacity continues to go downhill. I also lost my wife to cancer in July of 2011 so I understand much of your pain--though not all, as the end came rather quickly for both my loved ones and I have not faced anything like those last heart-wrenching weeks of your husband's life. Even so may I say please be patient with yourself, you have made progress and will continue to do so. Your strength is visible even in your words of grief. Remember this terrible journey is not a sprint, it's a marathon. And what Paula said was so true--because we suffer this pain, our beloved husbands and wives do not have to. In a way, it's our gift to them. Prayers for you.

Julie, you will have many good days and bad days. One moment you will be fine, the next you start to cry. I lost my husband suddenly and was in shock for days. He took care of me. I've had to make decisions I've never had to do . I do it One day at a time. It's been 11/2 yrs for me but it doesn't feel that long. I had to sell my trailer and move to NY to be near family. So I have the homesickness on top of missing my husband. You will miss him, just know he is still with you, in your heart and your memories. I don't understand it either. But I know one day I'll see him again just as you'll see your husband again.

Dear, Dear Julie!

I so wish I had answers for you... Alas! I do not. I do know what you're talking about, though. Oh yes! I think those who have been on this horrid journey for some time have said that we NEVER fully "get over it." There is a scab on our heart that never quite heals completely, but the wound does get better over time.

TIME! It can be either our friend or our enemy. In the healing process, we all wish we could be Rip van Winkle and fall asleep for 20 years until this all blows over. Nope! Because it doesn't just blow over. We have to walk through the fire - not over, under, or around - but THROUGH it. And we have to do it by ourselves. We do have the opportunity to receive the cheerleading and support from others, however.

So, keep holding on to the rest of us here. We're here for you; and you, for us. We'll all make it out if we stick together. And we will all arise from the ashes of the flames, more beautiful for having suffered such pain - just like the Phoenix.

Hugs,
Terry

Oh Julie, I understand your anguish as does the others here, because we have lived it. I can say you can and will get through it, but the scars never fade completely. They were open wounds, like you have now. Scabs develop but the wound is very tender and little bumps brings more pain. Healing happens in stages. Now at five years the wound remains in a scar that I carry forever, but I can look at it with yearning rather than pain. Hugs to you. Sharon

The question why was heavy on my mind for all this time. In my case my husband died in his sleep of sleep apnea that led to his heart stopping. The answer that I can live with came from my step-son who said, death can be a culmination of events and may set off a culmination of events. I know that does not apply to everyone but it did help me. I also feel grateful Lee went first as I feel too he could not have handled the emotional pain.
I am so sorry for your loss and that you had to join us here. But you will find much support and freedom to talk about your feelings to understanding hearts and ears.