Yes, I think all of us feel that dread of starting a new year without our loves, especially when we are early on in our grief. My husband died in the month of December and it was traumatic for me that first year to face the truth. However, I want to share that whatever event I truly dreaded did not affect me as greatly as I had thought it would. Tonight, at 3 years out, I will go to bed at my usual hour and not even worry that tomorrow is a new year. It will be the same as yesterday and nothing worse. I send you my very best wishes for peace tonight and in the new year!

I do agree with NewRoads that the first year of everything new coming at you is very difficult especially looking at facing the New Year alone without our loved ones the worst. I have also been without my Robert for three years going on four and yes the pain does become easier and different with time, but you will always miss them, You just have to take baby steps and take one day at a time. I also send you best wishes and peace in the New Year.

When the new year changes over that first year of grief you can still say that my husband or wife died in April or last April (or whatever month). But then when the next new year rolls around you have to start saying the month and the year (for example April 2010). That really makes you realize the passing of time that has taken place since you lost your spouse. So often we are just moving ahead moment by moment or day by day dealing with life's challenges alone and having to state the time of our loss (like the month and year) makes you realize that the years have passed and time hasn't stood still for those around us.

I completely understand, it just hit me on Wednesday that this is the first year of my life that my Bob won't be alive. I am tying to focus on the positive things in my life. Somedays are better than others. I wish all a blessed new year.
Cahy

I never give New Years a thought, its just another day like any other. Its just that other people are having fun and I'm not.

Julie, I have the same problem, I just can't remember my husbands last days very well. I even wrote most of it down as it was happening but left out the important stuff. I had a cry over that the other day, I wish I could remember the last kiss, or the last I love you but I can't... and don't know why. It hurts!

You will remember again. The mind is dealing with so much right now that some of the memories can't focus. It is a normal part of grief, and you will see in the near future those memories will eventually return and even bring a fondness to your heart. That is the positive returning to you. To look back with love instead of tears. To see how fortunate we are for our lives to have such love with knowledge even with the ending we would do it over again. Have a safe and peaceful year ahead. Sharon

I remember that as 2012 approached I felt resentment that It was coming because it would be the first year in 64 years that my DH, who had passed away 6 1/2 months prior, would not be part of.

As 2012 went by, I healed some and learned how to cope a little. I found that as NewRoads said, we often find that the anticipation of an event is much harder than the actual event. Now as 2013 approaches, I am not experiencing the resentment and dread nearly as much. This New Years Eve will be spent with my 5 year old Granddaughter and we're going to have a at-home movie and popcorn night. I still don't feel like celebrating by attending any parties or social functions, but this second New Years Eve is not nearly as painful as the first.

You'll probably find that all of your "firsts" are very hard, but take it a day at a time and give yourself a pat on the back for making it this far. You'll always love him and you'll always miss him, but you can learn to integrate the horrific change into your life and feel joy again. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself as you go onward in this grief journey throughout 2013. ((HUG))
Judy

Thanks for this post. I too was feeling very down. I feel like I am leaving my husband behind some how. I am going into the new year and he isn't.
Marilyn

Julie,

I too am unable to remember Darrell's last days in 2012 (he died on Valentine's Day and was in the ICU for 16 days prior to his death). I DO remember his days in the ICU, but nothing in the month of the preceding January.

I believe that Darrell IS with me - always - and find such peace with that, that I don't feel 2013 will be any different from any other year, other than the fact that he is not here physically. I shall wish him a Happy New Year at midnight, just as I did last year. No REAL kiss, of course, but I'm viewing this situation as a change in our celebration, this year, from the last 14 years.

I agree with you and would like to emphasize your statement: "May we all find peace in the New Year."

Hugs to everyone,
Terry