I went through the same thing. Grief smacked at me when I least expected it and with no provocation. I can't explain it. It happened during days that seemed normal and it happened on days that were more meaningful regarding his death. I'm at a little over 9 months now and the grief-smacking has lessened ... but there will probably always be these moments.
Guilt has its own pattern with me. But that's another story.
Keep praying and keep coming to us ... it will get better.
Julie

Those kinds of things happen. Especially at your grief point. I think mine was 3, 4 6 & 9 months that were the hardest. It will come in waves then leave again. I am so sorry for you pain. As we think more things will pop up. I just hate this widowhood. A friend of mine said she had a major meltdown after 3 years! Get involved in griefshare or some support group. That will help get you through.
Hugs, JoAnn

Julie I am so sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I am at 20 months and I can remember having many days like this especially in the first year. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve. Come here when you need to. Know we are here for you. Hugs Lu Ann

Julie, it just happens out of the blue sometimes, It usually hits me when I hear a siren, today when I did a fire drill at the child care center, as I walked through to make sure no one was left inside, it overwhelmed me, it just knocks me off my feet. Never know when it's going to hit me these days. I'm sorry you had this today.
I love and miss him madly, Rhonda

Julie,

I wish I knew what to say other than am there, doing that. Those nasty waves just suddenly don't slam you and go away, they undermine your self-confidence (what little we have left), making you fearful of stepping outside the house in case one hits you at the grocery store.

But, you are stronger than those horrid waves. Do whatever you must do to deal with them (cry, scream, etc. - preferably out of public view and hearing); then show them who's boss - pick yourself up, dust yourself off and kick them to the curb. They're just bullies, after all, and no one in here is afraid of bullies, right guys...guys?????

Hugs (wielding a baseball bat),

Terry

I'm so sorry you're going thru this....I'm sorry ANY of us are going thru it! Having said that I don't have any magical advice for you since I'm still going thru it myself...seven months. But it always helps me to know others are going thru the same thing at the same time...then I know I'm not losing it....so please know what you're feeling and when you're feeling it is perfectly normal. Just don't bottle it up...when you need to cry, scream, or whatever allow yourself to do just that...you need it to work thru it!
Will be praying for you!
Elaine

Julie,

I do not think it was guilt over playing computer games. I find they when I do something that I used to do (before my wife got sick or before she died), I often get blindsided by stabbing, painful grief. I think that my mind goes back to a time that everything was alright. But, once you realize that everything is now worse (not different, worse!), then it hits you.

I do not know how to avoid it unless you want to give up doing everything you enjoyed before your husband died.

I had a very similar experience tonight. My sister is visiting and I made dinner for her, one my wife and I enjoyed many times. I was doing very well until, at one point, I totally lost it (out of her sight). I was able to execute the steps of making the meal but once I thought about it, I realized that my precious wife was not here to share this great food and I will never have the pleasure of cooking for her again. It was that second thought which did me in.

My Rho has been gone for 15 week (as of Sunday) so I cannot tell you what will happen in the long run. But, I hope that the things you enjoyed will soon bring you peace instead of pain.

Take care,
Tom

as people have said "silly" things set us off. We go through a period of numbness and sometimes it is only the banal that gets through.

For me at probably a similar time to you I suddenly realise my late wife never saw the new garden gates she had been asking me to get for years.

take care, Mark

Sadly my friend that is how this craziness is sometimes. You feel like

I think i can I think I can....you feel a bit stronger, a bit more in control...and then? WHAM It goes right back to 'I thought I could" in the span of an instant. For me? It was the entire first year. Dtermined to make it through this, and finding myself at the bottom too many times to count.

If I can give any advice at all to you is to celebrate those I think I can mioments, and the I thought i coulds? Know that they will come, but that you will get back to I think I can again and again until they are more than the I thought I coulds....leading to one day when you KNOW YOU CAN.

Hugs and much love to you and know it's all NORMAL Diane

Oh Julie, I'm so sorry. It is the craziest things sometimes that brings on these horrid waves of sadness and grief. And you are so right, they are so strong that it feels like the first minute when you knew they were not here with us any longer. It can be so incredibly raw. I'm thinking of you and sending hugs.
Love,
Polly

Me too, up and down like a yo-yo. Going through a depressed and lethargic stage at the moment. I just keep trying to ride it out, staying quiet and alone through the tough times. It really is true emotional suffering. Im not quite sure if I feel the guilt thing. I feel a big lump in my throat and twisting pain in my gut. I have bouts of anger. Reached stalemate with my refurb. Cant seem to think straight about it, tired all the time. My head feels numb again. Its been eight months for me now.

It seems to come out a nowhere and hit me to. I was playing with my grandson this week and he just looked up at me and smiled just like George used to and it hurt so bad. It hurts he will never know his Granddaddy either because he as just a baby when George died. I think some times that I am losing my mind when it happens, that some little thing will make me cry. It helps to know it isn't just me. Hugs, Jo

I so remember those early tsunamis. Grief waves that flattened me. They started hitting around 3 months and were so overpowering that I really didn't know if I was going to make it through them. If people cried rivers early on...I cried oceans. I would have never known that a person can have THAT many tears.

Every time I got in my car and drove alone I lost it. I must have been the craziest driver on the road because it was so hard to see through the flood. I cried over things like a package of 4 pork chops in the store. I so so had to take everything one step at a time because I just could not think about one more day without my Denny.

I can say that the tsunami's turned into tropical storms down the road, and the tropical storms turned into severe storms, and then even further down the road the severe storms turned into giant waves, which you may have guessed turned into waves....

At three years and three months the waves have calmed down mostly and I can think of my husband and all of our beautiful life together with a smile. I still have my moments, but they are not very often and don't last as long.

The thing about grief is you can't go over it, can't go under it, can't go around it, gotta go through it.

I learned early on to allow every feeling and emotion as normal considering all that I lost and THAT is the key to handling grief and working through the stages of grief. That and being kind to yourself and seeking support from people who understand, (like here on DS).

I am so so sorry you too are going through this. Hang in there and take it one baby step at a time...

lots of (((((hugs))))) to you..
-Diana

I cannot offer any more insightful ideas than have been stated already. I just want you to know that you are not alone. I lost it so many times, I wondered if I would survive. This road we are on has so many pot holes, but after a severe bump, we go on for awhile before the next one. Just know that you are very normal and we all feel the same things as you. My heart goes out to you. Wishing you many smoother roads ahead!