Multiple Personalities Support Group

Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...

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I'm scaring my wife...

bluedragon41
bluedragon41
I'm finding these alters...and she says she's afraid of me because she does not know who I am now.
I told her now that I'm talking to them, I can defuse them, instead of them being unconscious processes that just take over-like flipping a switch and I'm another person...
Shawn's a protector...but also a 5-year old, and that doesn't work out so well. He thinks everyone's a threat and has tried to drive my wife off. When he...Pushes up from underneath so to speak? I become a paranoid asocial person who really can't be reasoned with, who interprets anything and everything as an attempt to control us.

My wife says to talk about this stuff, I want to talk about this stuff...and when I do she gets freaked out. She was literally shaking a bit ago, I asked her if she needed me to go for a walk or something...and I started crying because I have made her afraid of me.

I'm the same person I always was, we've been together for 10 years. If I was suddenly going to break into spousal abuse it would have happened by now, I think.

I have hurt my wife, even though she says it's her problem, I don't think so. It's my problem for being so fucked up and damaged. I just want her to love me.

I feel like hitting myself.
Wheezie
Wheezie
It is neither one of you twos fault.The fault of the ramifications of your abuse lies solely on your abuser/s. Is your wife versed in DID because it would be well worth the effort for her to educate herself with everything involved with DID.Healing from DID is not a one hour a week session with a therapist.Alters can come out any second of any minute of the day and often do and to an SO that is unprepared for that or how alters act when they first emerge(angry,mistrusting,completely terrified) it can be overwhelming to them.

Here's one starting point as far as SO's go.I don't know if you have read it before but I am reposting the link just in case.
http://www.op.net/~jeffv/so1.htm
bluedragon41
bluedragon41
No, she isn't versed in it...she's almost certainly asperger's...and is probably the most single-minded person I ever met. She cannot drive well and converse at the same time, for instance.
So...the way I've been feeling lately-with sort of a sursurrus of voices in the back of my head, plus feeling different and opposite things at the same time?
She said sometimes she's not having an emotion...I am always having at least one and it may or may not conflict with the others...crying/sad, calm/empty, angry/cheerful...
How can I convince her I'm not a threat to her?
I'm not, but she thinks I am.
dualforce35
dualforce35
To people who do not understand DID it can seem very frightening and when they are not educated in DID their mind can build up a whole case of frightening possibilities and even when they read about DID they have a hard time wrapping it around their heads.

However, I do believe that your wife reading articles and books on the subject may help ease her fears. Also if you are seeing a t your t would be able to explain to your wife what DID is about. Under the recommendations tab on this site there is a list of several good books that may help your wife understand.

I am sorry that the both of you are having such a difficult time with DID. I don't have the names of the books, but there are books out there that helps the SO to understand not only about yourself but gives information to the SO on how to handle DID and how to take care of themselves in the process.
Wheezie
Wheezie
Well you having been with her for ten years and not being abusive like you said should be proof enough but many people with MPD/DID like to write out contracts with their alters to insure that they are not abusive in any way either to other alters or to people on the outside.There is also the idea of creating a meeting place on the inside where alters that are part of your system that are protectors can meet with new alters that are wanting to come out and speak.The protectors can then tell these new alters the ground rules for them getting body time.Do you think that would help alleviate her and your fears?
deleted_user
deleted_user
You're still you... they're still you... nothing has changed aside from awareness.. which can ultimately lead to less confrontation... if she is truly asperger's, she is incapable of understanding your emotions... so it's really a matter of agreeing to disagree... I hope she calms down and realizes you're still the same man she loves...
deleted_user
deleted_user
her reactions might not even be related to you, but maybe her own father or another relationship from the past. it's very hard to tell why she is frightened of you, being that she is a complex person like we all are.
hurting yourself for this problem will not make her less afraid. She is going to have to figure it out for herself, in my humble opinion.
i have been accused of being dangerous and I just say, the proof is in my life history. I have never laid a finger on another person. I will go insane before I do that. So, remind her that you don't have a history of being violent and most likely won't develop new habits just because an alter is getting some more air time. You are like in your 30's? I highly doubt you will change in a drastic way from who you have been thus far. hope all works out! Mari/H
stephanietram
stephanietram
It takes time for our loved ones to come to terms with what is going on with us. At first, it seems like a mental flu that they expect suddenly came on and will suddenly go away. As they learn about DID, and look back in our collective memories they will see with us that this has been there all along, unnamed, but real; and safe for the most part. Angry alters usually need just to be heard and validated for them to begin calming down. They usually feel very threatened, and feeling heard and cared about helps take the threat away.
There are lots of good articles on DID, and some good books available as well. This is not the end of the world. I hope your wife is able to adjust and the two of you can work through this. Knowing what is going on can actually become a relief.