I want to share some thoughts on this.
1. when we are in drama, we attract others in the same boat...or sometimes they want their drama to get more attention and things escalate

2. if someone talks suicide, I lock em up. One guy I knew thru church (and I had his kids living at my house) threatened often...They would lock him for an evaluation for 3-7 days...finally years later, he did do it...no one was around anymore to lock him up.

3.I can love my addict with all my heart and soul, but I can't feel his feelings for him. If loving them, or caring for them was enough (or praying) there wouldn't be any addicts...right? SO I figured out that it was ok for me to still have a good time in my life...I don't mean that I don't get upset, but somehow I have learned to compartmentalize...as Kat would say "put it in a bubble"

My life is mine. It is how I look at things. I sometimes even have to say out loud, "thank God that isn't happening to me." for a small example, on Mother's day my daughter called to wish me a happy one, and she was getting over a terrible migraine..she is recently separated and is in a new rental, 9 hours away...the old worried me would have spent the day wondering if she had food, meds, who would help her, if she needed to go to a doctor, was it getting worse...etc. and the new person said "I love you and I hope you feel better, get some rest" and was a bit annoyed that her call to me was going to be like an itch somewhere in my mind...mildly irritating, but nothing more.
that whole "I didn't cause it, can't control it or cure it" thing helps me...and the serenity prayer.

On a survival mode note: if you are in deep SH** and someone is not handing you a rope out or a ladder, but a rock or more SH**...then I would say it is ok to tell them to buzz off for a while, and spend your energy on you getting things handled. If they are permanently needy, you sometimes need a break to recharge your own batteries.
Like on a airline, you are told to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping your kids...You can't help anyone if you don't help yourself first. It isn't selfish it is a good thing.
Hugs, get some rest.

Cutting them out of your life is an extremely difficult thing to do, but after dealing with my son's addiction for 13 years, I finally did it. I am still on an emotional roller coaster but the hills are smaller. Three weeks ago I told him not to call unless he was calling from a recovery house, haven't heard from him since, not even Mother's Day. My son has had so many chances to get clean, stay clean, but I finally realized he doesn't want to. When you realize that, it's time to get out.

thought I would share this with all of you

we are nt responsible for the illness or actions of others or the result of those actions
we become aware that we are obsessed with another"s behavior and as we learn to let go we find that we can live our own lives in a more manageable, happier and consttuctive way
we let our lives be guided by a power greater than ourselves and we release them with love and cease trying to change them. We admit we cannot control someone else"s life

Not to allow ourselves to be manipulated or controlled by another person

not to accept others responsibilities

not to stand in the way to prevent a crisis

not to provoke a crisis

not to make excuses, cover up or take the blame for others

we care enough not to care

not to be personally offended by the addicit. We can look past the drugs and see another human bing who has the disease called addicition which is caused by drugs.. We learn compassion.

Detaching ourselves is niether kind nor unkind. It is a simple way of beginning our own recovery program, and allows us to recover from the devastating effects that living with the disease of addicition has had on our own lives.

we beging to create a positive chain of reactions which allows us to make intelligent and constructive decisions.


Addiction is an illness, It is a physical, mental and spirtual disease that affects every area of life. It can be areested but never cured. The addicts inability to control their use of drugs is a symptom of the disease of addiciton. Even when they know what will happen when the take the first drink, pill or fix, thew will do so. this is the "insanity" we speak of in regard to this diseasee.. Only complete abstinence from the use of durgs, can arrest this disease.. No one can preven the addicit's use of the drug, or alchol,,When we accept that the addcition is a disease, and that we are powerlesswover it, we become ready to learn a better way to live

You do not have to cut him off, you can be with him when he is not using and when he is tell him you do not want to be around him. You cannot make someone not commit suicide. If he threatens you can call the police to take him to get help. Be his friend don't nag, threaten him about his drug use. Just remove yourself from the situation if he is high. If he comes for help, help him find a place to get help. Then be supportive of his decision and know he may not stay there, he most likely will relapse but you still can be his friend. You just put back in the boundaries of if he's high call me when your not high.
Reward the good behavior, ignore him when he is using.

I agree with everything said above. I would also add - why do you believe you owe him so much... it was great that he helped you when you needed it, but it's not necessary to 'pay him back' in some way with loyalty or care. When people give support, they don't do it so that the person will owe them (and if they do, then it's not a healthy motive). He supported you at that time, and its now in the past. What matters now is the choice and actions you each have in the present. Are you getting some help for your depression?