It came up because I told a friend that to admit I loved her was frightening, and she was hurt because I did not trust her.
I tried explaining to her that I've been with my wife for ten years and I still expect my wife to devastate me somehow.
Still didn't understand.

Hello
I completely understand and I too have this.
I cant trust and I cannot say to my man I love you so much because blah blah blah. That terrifies although now I am starting to understand it,.
We feel worthless, undeserving etc. We expect those we love to leave us because we atre not worth it. We may even try to push them away or say see look I am shit dont stay with me get someone better someone you deserve.
At times it is a test of love too.
I have been with my partner for 6 years and I test him everyday, He says that I cannot love him because I do not reach out for him and tell him I love him.
I also dont want to open up to him that much because that would be arming him to hurt me all the more if that makes sense. I can lay it all on the line for him tell him I would die for him and I love him and he is my best friend and I cant live without him etc etc then he can use it against me and hurt me and use my feelings to his advantage.

I hope I am making sense.
Hugs to you.

My experience has been to wait for the hurt too. Some part of me is as certain as my life that the hurt and rejection will always come as sure as the sun rises. I remember that I have different parts. Another part wants to be loved so badly and would love back completely all the while I still wait for the hurt. For me this is probably how I'm always going to feel. I have one friend on DS who I have confided in for a year and she has never even offered a hint of hurting me and I still back up in fear. I only hope I have is that this fear is on a continuum. I hope that I feel less afraid tomorrow and then the next a little less. We were just hurt so badly by those who were supposed to love us. How else are we supposed to feel?

"Another part wants to be loved so badly and would love back completely all the while I still wait for the hurt."

Yup, nailed it, that's it precisely.

Is it typical to feel several conflicting emotions slapped down on top of each other?
It's like trying to go for a run in a loose sports bra...Parts of me are going in different directions and it feels painful.

Hylie, LMAO! That would be very painful.

My ability to trust is nill and none.
Somehow i'm ok with that.Perhaps cause i never had a bond as a child with my parents and noone.....So i'm used to living without bonds...
It does sound painful.I'm alomst gald noone loved and abused me at the same time.
I was just neglected and abused....

It seems less confusing than what you're talking about.The messages given are more confusing as an adult.

But remember you don't need anyone too.

And they winner is......Hylierandom for funniest mental picture given by a thread reply!!!!! LOL