Heidiclark

I dont' know why my mom is such a big trigger for me, given that she is always trying to help.  But right now I am feeling like I still struggle to trust her given our history together.  She hasn't...

First of all, things are probably not as bad as they seem in my head.  For one thing, I am tired and haven't yet fallen asleep and can't find a good book on Kindle to relax with while I lay in bed....

Yes it really is that bad.  And I don't mean to sound like a drama queen but the truth is I dont' know how much time I have left.  I weigh almost 300 pounds and every day I eat until I am sick.  I...

Wow, I can't believe it's been over a year since I have made a journal entry. This could be a useful tool for me if I made use of it. About five days ago I cut back on my Nortryptaline and it seems...

Today I am aware of how much I hold back talking about my issues because I am worried that I will overwhelm people with my problems.  This comes from years of my mom wanting to hear my problems but...

Not long ago I thought of writing that being fragile is not a bad thing. Some of the most beautiful things in the world are very fragile and can break very easily.  I say this as an attempt to find...

I am having a really hard time right now and I dont know why, although I have a few ideas.  I need help but I don't get the help. There's so may things I need to do to help myself but I dont' do...

I am having a really hard time right now. I can't even remember when I last was this bad. I can't focus on much of anything and have been in bed all weekend.  Then this evening I got up to at least...

These past three days have been rough for me mentally, emotionally , and with the food. But I want to be clear with myself that just because I have setbacks does not mean that the bad guys have...

Right now I just want to stuff all of this anger, rage and hatred toward my dad with as much food as I can get my hands on.  But when do that it puts the blame on me rather than putting it where it...

Today I feel somewhat more focused than usual and feel like I want to get some things done today.  I weighed myself yesterday even though it wasn't weigh in day and I had lost 6 pounds!  I could...

I am really losing it right now.  Tom and Josh are going down to my dad's tomorrow and I am freaking out about this.  I am not going, but the point is this man ruined my life and he is the  reason...

Tom and I talked about locking up all the food every night so that when I am having my rough time I won't go and binge.  He seemed to be okay with the idea.  Need to find out from him when and...

I am trying to do more to work my O.A. and weight loss programs.  I just went to part of an O.A. meeting and am going to be returning to another meeting in about 45 minutes. Wow, what a difference...

There's just so much going on that I dont' even know where to start.  I took one of Josh's Adderalls yesterday and I could not believe the difference.  I could think and talk and plan things and be...