Having a really hard time right now.

I am having a really hard time right now and I dont know why, although I have a few ideas.  I need help but I don't get the help. There's so may things I need to do to help myself but I dont' do them. And I feel like I need to deal more with the abuse issues I have. I have avoided it for so long and didn't feel like it was safe enough to talk about.  I've been too afraid to talk about any of it and just keep trying to pretend like it never even happened.  And maybe I should call my doctor Monday and tell her my meds aren't working.  I've been afraid to have my meds changed fearing that I would end up doing worse than I am already doing.