feeling conflicted
I dont' know why my mom is such a big trigger for me, given that she is always trying to help. But right now I am feeling like I still struggle to trust her given our history together. She hasn't turned on me in a long time, but it's all still there is the back of my mind. That and I really can't deal with her problems at all-----I have too many problems of my own that I am trying to sort out. And I just don't like the way she talks about my aunt Mary, but I feel like I can't say anything. So now I am wishing she wasn't moving closer although I think it's already a done deal. So, Yes I am feeling like I need space from my mom right now. And I am tired and always scared when I am alone in the house, which I am trying to figure out what to do about that----maybe move out but I'm not sure. I'm just too tired to have all of these emotions running amok inside me right now. Too tired. And I have to work at 3:00 so I have to pull it together by 3:00! Ahhhhh!
Replies
Dearest Heidi, I get on much better with my mum but I am still weary of her. She inflicted many wounds as i growing up. Trust your instincts. Give her as much as you feel safe to. When my dad died o saw her every day. Now i see her twice a week. Sometimes more if she is unwell or if i feel up to it. If i am having a vulnerable day, I cancel. (With no excuses. )
It sounds like you\'re feeling overwhelmed. Can you make 10-20 mins for yourself? Sit somewhere you find calming and just breath gently. Ask to be shown the next step you need to take. You have made such progress Heidi, no one can take that away. Just take time to settle then the next step will show itself.
Love you my friend
Good advice form Daisy who like myself struggled with a mother. Like Daisy I did what I could when I could and if I coundn\'t bear her I didn\'t - hugs and xxx to you.