Overwhelmed but hopeful

There's just so much going on that I dont' even know where to start.  I took one of Josh's Adderalls yesterday and I could not believe the difference.  I could think and talk and plan things and be productive.  I just can't believe the difference.  So I really feel like I HAVE to ask my doctor to put me back on it despite my high blood pressure. Without it I just don't have a life to even work with.  With it I have a chance to work on issues and get things done.  She just HAS to say yes.  Also am very worried about Josh saying that he was so depressed he felt like ending it.  What is wrong with me! Why didn't I get help for him back when he first needed it?  To hell with the money issue.  I'll worry about that later.  My baby is hurting and that means I am hurting too.  I can't stand to see him feeling so bad.  Breaks my heart.  The good news is I e-mailed Dr. Wingard last night and he already wrote me back!  That is a relief!  Someone besides me knows what's going on! I can't do this without a LOT of help and now is the time to get that help.  This time nothing is going to stop me----not even ME!