God Help Me!
I am really losing it right now. Tom and Josh are going down to my dad's tomorrow and I am freaking out about this. I am not going, but the point is this man ruined my life and he is the reason my life is such a mess. He did horrible things to me and made me do horrible things to other children. I am shattered over all of this down to my soul. And yet I am letting Tom and Josh go down there to visit. And of course if anything happens to Josh it will be all my fault for letting him go there in the first place. This is crazy. I am lost and dont' know what to do. There are no right answers. I am losing it.
Replies
Oh, Heidi!!!! !! I am soooo sorry you are going thru this I wish i could help you somehow! Just take care of yourself and know I am here if you need to talk.
I am glad you are not going your Dad is toxic and contact with him or even thoughts of him makes you ill. Does tom understand what your dad did to you as a child? Have you told him? If you have and he\'s understood he\'ll keep an eye on Josh. I told Kitty about my childhood as soon as she could understand she then chose to avoid my family like the plague. Tell Tom of your concerns before he goes then if he is forewarned he will look after Josh if he still wants to go.
Dear Heidi, follow your instincts, if you don\'t want josh to go then say. Your father would be the one to blame if anything happens, he is the abuser not you but if you trust tom to look after him there then trust him and let it go. I can hear from your post that it is tearing you up inside. I believe you are a survivor Heidi and know you will come through this. Can you journal or phone a trusted friend? please message me if it helps. I am really sorry you wasn\'t cared for as a child and how this has affected your life, but you are a good person and deserve to have some happiness now. hug that little girl inside, you are the adult who can care for her now, tell her she will be ok. I am wrapping my arms around you in support Heidi. Take care my friend xx (((HUGS)))
Sweetheart,
Tom needs to be on your side concerning this. You all should eliminate this \"man\" from your life. You don\'t owe him ANYTHING!!!!!
Tom and Josh should spend the day with you ........... Not this monster.
((((HUGS))))) Honey
Well if you think the shouldn\'t go, don\'t let them! It isn\'t worth all this worry.
If you\'re worried about Josh getting hurt, then it definitely isn\'t worth it
(((hugs))).
Thank you all for your comments and support. Tom reassured me that he and Josh would be safe and in fact the visit went fine. The situation is very complicated right now because my dad has actually been \"helping\" us with a lot of financial stuff like buying us a nice house, paying for Josh\'s tuition at his private school, and many other things. Sorry that I got everyone so worried about me. My dad seems like a better person although he has never apologized for what he did to me. It\'s just so hard to know what to do in this kind of situation. Anyway, during the visit they looked at canoes and also Josh got part of his birthday present from my dad and he is also paying for a weekend for us at Cedar Point. So, yes he\'s been helping us for many years now, but it\'s still really hard to trust him. I don\'t think I ever will in spite of everything that he does for us.
Thank you all for your comments and support. Tom reassured me that he and Josh would be safe and in fact the visit went fine. The situation is very complicated right now because my dad has actually been \"helping\" us with a lot of financial stuff like buying us a nice house, paying for Josh\'s tuition at his private school, and many other things. Sorry that I got everyone so worried about me. My dad seems like a better person although he has never apologized for what he did to me. It\'s just so hard to know what to do in this kind of situation. Anyway, during the visit they looked at canoes and also Josh got part of his birthday present from my dad and he is also paying for a weekend for us at Cedar Point. So, yes he\'s been helping us for many years now, but it\'s still really hard to trust him. I don\'t think I ever will in spite of everything that he does for us.
I can\'t imagine that was an easy thing to do. I don\'t think I can ever accept anything from my family after what they have done to me. Because I find it way too hard to forgive. But not even an apology from them would make things right. Nothing will make things right. They just shouldn\'t have done it in the first place, plain and simple. But I ask: \"What makes people treat other people like shit? What are they hoping to achieve?\"