Ambrosia6

A package came from my parents w/my sister's new illustrated books (she's now a published illustrator!!) and a DVD with 2 of my siblings piano recitals.  (They're all so cute, especially my youngest...

just writing so I can update calorie and exercise on my weight loss goal. Long day - saw the new therapist.  Dissociated during session.  Which is a good sign, means I was comfortable.  She...

So, I went to bed at 10 with double ambien and slept well.  Also, before I bed I read my verses I'm memorizing, some Scripture, wrote in my Journal and read Neil Anderson's "In Christ list"  This...

Tomorrow I weigh in (I try to weigh in Tuesday mornings).  I've been good the last 5 days about eating and exercising so I hope I've lost something.  My weight when I started tracking was 182 and...

I hate evenings.  i have to figure out what to do about that.  I dissociate a lot.  I feel alone.  I feel too tired to do the things I would occupy myself with in the morning.  Maybe I should...

I don't know why, but when I get the urge to hurt myself, when I finally 'give in' and go get the blade, I can't do it.  I know it's a good thing.  But I don't know why I can't anymore.  Maybe I...

Dear Mr. B, Do you know how much pain you've caused me? Do you know how much your few minutes of fun has cost my life?? 4 and a half years of panic attacks, depression, cutting, suicidal...

1) Today I saw my therapist for the last time.  I'm switching to a new one.  I've met the new one once and I know she will be good for me, but, nonetheless, good-byes are always hard.  On top of...

I started feeling better yesterday and am fairly encouraged today.  It was discouraging when I saw both my therapist then my psychiatrist today and theyboth don't seem to understand why my anxiety...

Life is hard.  Multiple stressors today.  Been resisting cutting for 2 weeks as of yesterday.  Shooting for 4 weeks, but man, how do I keep resisting? I know the world's answer is to check myself...

Just weighed in - all-time high. Ouch. I did yoga today and sunday and my hamstrings are killing me. The dermatomyositis doesn't like me stretching my legs. But after awhile they'll get used to...

Changed my not cut for 3 months goal to 4 weeks.  I keep giving in around 3 weeks.  When I reach 4, I'm going to Hobby Lobby with a $20 bill.  Meanwhile, I haven't lost any weight on my weight...

PHP ended yesterday. Incredibly long day today - forgot to take noon meds and didn't get to dinner until 8:30pm plus no afternoon nap and multiple stressors throughout the day - had panic attack in...

I am going back to PHP tomorrow.  3 more days insurance will give me.  However, I cut myself Friday after group, so if I tell them that, that may change things.  I'm not sure how.  I may end up...

Do you ever get that feeling "I shouldn't get out of bed today" and you do anyway, and by the end of the day you totally regret your decision??? I was supposed to buy a car today - but I called the...