reisen55

giving up.  I just had a fight and ran outside of the mouse, running down the street, pounding my chest to bring on a heart attack.  If I can do this long enough, I will die.

The time on the computer as I write this says 3:41 am, and once again I am wide awake sooooo early in the morning, worried about future income. Not to much is in the pipeline right now and previous...

Seven years.I should be soooo negative in my posts, but today I have reason to be of cheer for I survivved.  In 2001 I was working for Aon Consulting, 101st floor of the South Tower.  1,500 stairs...

Over the weekend I came to the conclusion that my independent career is destroyed through a bad partner relationship.  Some of my journals touch on this point, but my partner is a real idiot savant...

Whenever I get into a fight with my spouse, these days, all I do is pound my chest to try to bring on a heart attack.  This is probably same as cutting but I am so depressed now that I really want...

Same holds true, and I am sending out resumes very rapidly these days.  Not a good time of year all.  Extremely depressed and because money remains so tight, my earlier posts about rebuilding a...

Over the past few weeks, I have confronted some terrible truths about my technical associate in my independent career, essentially that he has wrecked two outside accounts in so far as income for me...

See my post in depression, my financial situation has turned horrid because of a partner who has screwed me out of income, my car cannot be taken care of properly.  I just spent 10 minutes screaming...

This morning I went up to Monroe NY to work on a computer, stopped by a small deli for coffee and read the local paper.  Warwick NY - very sad.  A 10 week old kitten died at Warwick Animal Shelter,...

if I could kill myself, I would

I was just checking out profile here and the google adds that came up along side the screen, on the right side, were all about  sex offenders!!!!!!!!!!  If THAT is not something to be depressed...

Keeping a job hunt open, no responses today so bought a good lunch and am very much in the dumps

Today I came to realize that my partner in my independent consulting activity is totally irresponsible.  Technically brilliant, but an idiot savant and I am $ 2,900 into an account for about 45 days...

But woke up as I dread doing at 3:30 am, unable to sleep and worrying about everything.  I am also severely disappointed in many friendships too and promises that people, these days, never seem to...

Spouse overdrew her checking account and is livid.  I am convinced she is unbalanced, went from happy to dreadful within 30 min.  I do not have money coming in fast enough and continue to pound my...