Chest Pounding

Whenever I get into a fight with my spouse, these days, all I do is pound my chest to try to bring on a heart attack.  This is probably same as cutting but I am so depressed now that I really want one so I can just die and be done with this life.  I have lost all trust in everybody and don't want to deal with the world anymore.  Stepping off would be great.  It is only a matter of time until something inside gives way.  I have already done damage.