TryingToForget

i love jade but my head is ready to explode, i have a bad cough and my head hurts and shes screaming. she keeps needing new pull ups, she wont use the toilet. shes makeing a mess, poured melted...

slept over my freind alka's house last night, her mom has suffred with depression since she was a teen so talked with her...didnt do much but thought i would try.  i have been wanting to cutt ALL...

how much blood do you have to lose to die? i keep wondering...if i decied to cutt my wrists i have my vain picked out...pills i have a number...notes i have writen, goodbyes well said....jade i have...

i have a really sore back and didnt get much sleep on the bed last night...this sucks im so tired, my mom is makeing dinner right now. she does the very traditional stuff, turkey and pumpkin...

my mom made me put a new bed frame in my room, i did have a really comfy mattress on the floor but she made me put the futon frame under it. you can feel the fucking metal bar in the middle and it...

ok i needed to tell mom about my apt on the 5th....well she said she didnt think i was depressed, and even if i was i dont get meds and she might mabie mabie concider therepy...i cant belive her....i...

ok so i went to the doc today for a shot and told the nurse about my deprssion. she set me up an apt to meet with a doc on dec 5th about it...im kinda scared thats friday after next!! other then that...

you know what im just gunna post it, all of it...my life, i geuss it hasnt been that bad but here it is...when i was 3 or 4 years old, this is one of my earlyest memorys. i rember being in my step...

why suffer in this life? i could go to the other side....eternal bliss or damned i dont really care one way or the other....it happens to all of us in the end....i will just face it sooner...i dont...

i talked to my mom earlyer or rather we yelled at eachother....i dont take care of jade right, i cant keep the house clean, she gunna quit her job so she can keep the house clean (my fault of...

i have in F in every single class, im as stupid as i am useless.....i have givein up hope.....mabie life in future will be better but i dont want to wait that long...i really cant....im sorry idk...

im tired, stayed home from school today and said i was sick...im failing 4 classes and have a D in the other....im droping bad here.....moms getting me tylonol...i might take them all...idk...im sick...

the pirceing feeling of a blade on my arm,trickles of blood role down my arm,tears role down my face,i bite my hand,overwhelmed with shame,i always am,i hate myself,i hate every one eles to,but the...

went back into the hole of depression and hate...tried not to i did i really did...but i have some stuff eating at me so much....its almost not worth doing....i would rather die than admit what i...

im not going back to that place.....the dark hole of hate and misery. i wont do that, i WILL not go back there, i will be happy, will be happy. wont be sad wont be depressed