How long??
How long, how long?? I spent 10 months in jail and you focus on exit and hope - now I've lost my way, and 3 people who supported me through that period have walked away, not intentionally I don't think but wrongly thinking that jail is harder than freedom. People here hate me, mum doesn't want to move, I don't have any money or accommodation other than her house, I'm missing my wife and children,I don't know how long I can take this pain.
Replies
Take a moment. Exit one place of confinement and keeping hope fresh.
There is a huge difference is exit of confinement inside your thoughts. Only you can change that in order to help your healing and recovery move forward.
Jail is a specific consequence. Therefore, now that that time is complete, you make choices, with unintended consequences. That is your new way of thinking, Use it as a strength, skill, and ability.
So what if people hate you. It's not your problem. It is their problem. A lot of times, what comes across as 'hate' is often 'fear'. That is an unintended consequence of jail. It changes how people view you as a person, your ability to be comfortable in society, and how you process information.
Taking the time to process the people stepping away and back from your thought process of jail being harder than freedom will help you to be more positive in that process of healing and recovery.
For them, you've been released from jail. Your mind, however, is still processing jail routine. All the choices made regularly in freedom require careful thought due to the way jail sets a schedule for every single task.
Keep writing it out.
Yes, unintended consequences bring pain as you process the healing and recovery of freedom and the fact that some things will be so different because of the decision that put you in jail.
You can NOT undo what you did. All you can do is move forward, and forgive yourself for the hurt, pain, and loss.
Hope this helps.
It does help except the people who hate me, or fear me, you are right, are my problem. In prison there was a strong sense of don't judge or talk about your crime, in the place where I'm staying looking after my mum - her home, doesn't feel like mine - people gather outside every night to protest against me living here , it's been going on for 7 weeks, and they are my problem because most of the time it's peaceful, three or four standing in the kerb - the police have warned them off from getting close, but sometimes it escalates, three occasions large amounts of eggs were thrown at the house, and last weekend the tyres were deflated, small level intimidation. I would move away but mum has no other family and I have nowhere else to go. My dad died earlier in the year and is buried locally. One thing I do which I feel guilty about is to look at accommodation I could get as soon as anything happens to her - she isn't well, but nothing seriously wrong.
Some police actually want us to move, others take the exact opposite view, if you let them intimidate you into moving then they've won, their victory will be broadcast on the web and it could escalate the problem of vigilantes