Tyres and

My anxiety was ill founded - the tyres have been slashed and with advice not to go out for fear of vigilantes in the village and with no car to drive I'm a prisoner. Tyres were due to be replaced yesterday but they phoned in the morning and can't do them - next company I tried are coming tomorrow. No guarantee that they won't be slashed again.

Had an email last evening, a job I'd applied for and really liked I wasn't going to be shortlisted. I also had an email from a friend there's my ideal job - apart from low wages - going and I can apply but with 200 applicants already I don't think I stand a chance. V depressing. 

Mum being very difficult - dementia confusing her at times but I try and help her and it's wrong. She gets irritated with me, or shakes her head as if I'm talking nonsense, or becomes childish and goes not listening. She also treats me like a child - you'll have to put a coat on etc. 

I'd love to move. I look at various properties, and have ideas but all the time mum is here and not wanting to move it's so difficult. I feel so scared, I can feel my heart rate is pretty constantly high, and I don't feel safe at all. And the pain. I miss my wife and children so much, and my dad, and my former role and community. I can't talk to mum, it feels that she doesn't want to talk about dad, or my family. I have a few people I email which helps and of course this journal.