8 days time
In 8 days it is fathers day. I'm convinced I won't hear from my three children and I miss them and it is like a constant constant pain. I was told time healed, it doesn't. That I'd learn to live with the pain. I haven't.
I reached out to my exwife four weeks ago to attempt to create a bridge. I also wrote to her parents, who I love. The barriers feel firmly down. I want to reach out. I'm not alone but anyone who I mostly connect with is new in my life.
This week highlighted what I've lost. On Wednesday I heard I had a job interview. I was out for a bit and phoned mum, pleased. It is like she doesn't care. I'm sure she does, but she says nothing about it, didn't wish me well just before it yesterday, didn't ask me how it went afterwards. She's probably worried about the times I'd need to be away but only a week ago she was talking about a delivery jobs for me.
I don't yet know if I have the job. Probably not. Will hear on Monday
Replies
It is a commercial holiday designed to promote 'fathers'. You will have to find a way to balance those feelings to what you have in this moment.
No, it's not going to be easy. Pain is relative to memory, pain is relative to healing, pain is relative to time. As long as you are in limbo, it will not change.
With the job interview, you will have to support your well-being inside and with strength that you are going to give yourself enough balance to be proud for going for it!
Best wishes!
With your mom, you are now in 'adult' mode. Your mom is an adult with 'young' mode. That means she is not going to be the support you could appreciate now. She is living in her memories, moving towards younger memories. Yes, she will have clear head and current moments, and enjoy those for what they are. Being a care taker for parent is a challenge that is different in every way from what was before.