New Therapist...

Today was my first day with a new Therapist/Psychologist.  She wanted to know where my level of suicidality (is this a word?) is at...told her I've planned how - she asked how(?)...I told her I'd shoot myself.  She then asked if I had a gun - I hesitated - she repeated the question.  I told her yes...she then asked if my spouse new - I hesitated - she repeated question.  I told her no...she said the gun has to go today & said my spouse needs to tell her that the gun is gone tonite...I asked if I could just handle it; she said NO!  I'm not a good liar and not good at convincing people;  I told her I didn't want her to know especially since her mom is staying with us until December and she already is concerned about my well-being...my Therapist ultimately contacted the local police and told the dispatcher that I would be there later to hand over my registered gun...
I ultimately am a little relieved that the gun is no longer in the house; although in a place that no one should find it, with my luck it would be discovered somehow and I would have a really bad situation on my hands.  I'm not even thinking about the temptation of self harm but just my 10 yr old snooping around and somehow finding it...
The gun has always been my last resort for my ticket out of here; it's been my quick escape from this world when/if things get to a point where I see a complete dead-end...I feel close to being there now but I'm still in the grey area of deciding to live or die.  My instincts still tell me things aren't going to ultimately get better so not having the gun makes me feel vulnerable - like I have to now live.  I'm not taking a chance on pills - what if they don't work & I live?   Then my secret is now exposed and folks will definitely keep an eye out...My spouse still thinks I'm bluffing.  I wanna keep my gun!!!...