grasshopper7

i found a new term: repetiton compulsion.  i think i've discovered something new about me.  i do a lot of reading.  i'm reading the Bible: Luke.  i'm practicing how to pray.

Repetition compulsion - reliving the child abuse into adulthood.  re-enacting the abuse.  repeating a traumatic event.  sigmund freud: beyond the pleasure principle. 

how do i feel about sex:  i want it a lot.  that is what my mind is telling me.  i like to be dominated and i feel like that can only happen with the company of men.  it hurts when i am...

God forgive me for my sins: i am soo angry at the world.

my saturday was good.  i was around some good people.  i went home.  i read/studied and fell asleep.  it has been cold in atlanta.  it snowed on friday.  i felt good about myself.  i get...

ms. hathaway, a lady that i speak to at the fitness club, asked me how i was doing and then i asked how she was doing.  she told me she is okay, since she had just finalized her divorce of 19...

*Being extremely honest with yourself is hard.  I think shame kicks in and that's no fun.  It's hard keeping a smile on your face when you feel low about yourself.*I'm doing things I'm not proud...

I want to find a new job.  I am going to email out three resumes today.   I am going to start my letter to the president of my college.  I am going to send a hello via email to my former...

Happy New Year!  I spent last night alone.  It was good.  I had a cleansing experience last night.  I was washing away a lot of pain.  I told a lot of people (who were not around) that I hated...

someone today talked about not wanting to touch their room mate.  there are certain types of people i don't like to touch or touch me.  guys who remind me of my abuser/uncle, i do not like for them...

not a bad day.  i am very lonely.  i make many mistakes that i am not proud of.  I'm asking God for forgiveness and the opportunity to change.

today has been a bad day.  i had a bad dream this morning and i think that had something to do with it.  in my dream i have three friends and they all abandon me.  it's amazing how real dreams can...

i find myself attracted to guys that remind me of my uncle.  i fantasize about them more than i may let something happen.  sometimes i think i let things happen so i can fight back-i did not have...

yesterday was saturday.  i had a lot of time to myself.  i don't do so well when i'm by myself -- too much thinking time.  i get sad.  i think about the people who hurt me and i get angry.  i...

I would like to thank all the folks who have sent me well wishes and advice.  Thank you for your caring heart.