someone today talked about not wanting to touch their room mate.  there are certain types of people i don't like to touch or touch me.  guys who remind me of my abuser/uncle, i do not like for them to touch me and i'll have this negative attitude towards them.  i'm thinking about my coping mechanisms: present and past.  i don't think they are working for me now--i know they're not.  today, i hear black guys tell me that i have something against black people.  i wondered about that at first.  i never thought i did and i don't.  certain black guys that remind me of my uncle/abuser i realize i have a problem with.  there are all kinds of feelings that i have.  i'm black.  growing up i spent a lot of time in predominately white areas.  i did not think much of it, but now looking back i was avoiding black people--i think mainly men.  i use to stay in my house bathroom for hours.  i would lay on the floor and stare up at the ceiling.  i knew if the bathroom door was clothes noone would disturb me.  when i was younger, after leaving the barber, i wouid become agitated (b/c the barber had his hands on me, mainly my head) and i would come in the house with an perturbed and head for the bathroom.  i would wash my body and lay on the floor quietly.  the process took about an hour.  that is how i coped with that issue.