Stuff is still the same. I lost it a few nights ago and got my vivid and wrote all this negative stuff over my beautiful positive mural on my wall..I scribbled out the eyes on the peoples faces..I hated it so much. I dont remeber it very well..I woke up and it was there. Um so I brought a newspaper and covered the whole wall. I love being sourounded by all these words. Its like I am inside my mindbut I have way more contrrol. I plan to cover my whole room. Um and I have decided to cancel my appointment with Rick and make it the 15th..thats like three weeks since I last seen him.  I want a break, I want to do things for myself. He might realise that though and think I am isolating myself..I guess I am..but I think I have control over how much Isolating I do with him. I fee like I cant talk openly about everything now.  Whatever, I will see how things turn out..I am feeling pretty mellow