heretic

I can't decide whether to go off the Mirtazapine or not. When I first got meds I was given Geodon and Mirtazapine. The doctor told me I could take only a half a tab of Mirtazapine to start off with...

Happiness is foreign, if only it would all end. If only.

It's not that I want to die, it's just that living is so unpleasant. Each day drags on, filled with either things I don't want to do - or filled with nothing at all, hard to know which is worse at...

I was able to get out and go see a friends new apt today. I almost bailed because I felt the usual depression and didn't want to be a "drag" - but I went anyway and it wasn't so bad. I am grateful I...

I always feel so down and hopeless. I especially am down about living alone. I long to be in a relationship where I am loved and cared for but see no way, have no hope of that happpening. I can't...

tomorrow I go to the pdoc. Well actually I'll be seeing a nurse who will consult with the pdoc. It's ok, I really like her. And I have to figure out what to say, like how I was doing better for a few...

the title says it all

I think the Abilify is working, I'm less irritable, less angry, which is wonderful. I feel lucky to have found the drugs I'm on.

I really want to quit smoking weed. For many reasons.I hope I do quit. I hope I don't buy anymore. Just stop.I really want to do this for myself. I hope I'm strong enough.

I haven't been thinking so clearly since my last med change - it was doubling my Seroquel from 50mg to 100mg but I didn't like it at all. Made me think really weird, like I wasn't in control of my...

I don't want to do anything crazy, anything I'll regret before I get a med change. I just have to get through this long weekend till next Thursday. I need encouragement to stay strong, to do nothing...

I wish a magic miracle would happen and I'd feel better, free of tormenting thoughts, with my peace and security restored. I don't know if drugs will do it. I hope so. I'm going to try a new drug in...

I've been fighting depression for weeks now and it's finally winning. I alternate between feeling numb and feeling despair. I really have such a sucky life, I hate it. I'm starting not to care at all...

It's hard to work when you're crazy and trying to hide it. I try to keep to myself, I'm known as a good but quiet worker. They all have no idea how deeply disturbed I really am. It's hard work...

I am so angry nd frustrated most of the time and I hate it. I know I am mentally ill, so it's hard for me to know what are my valid feelings and what is just my inability to think straight. I'm on...